Miguel sang silently while walking in the musky forest...
"San na ang mga lalaking tikas?San ang mga diyos na dakila?San ang Sikalak na may talino,Upang labanan ang mga hamon ng mundo?
Wala bang puting kabalyero sa kabayong nagliliyab?Sa hatinggabi, ako'y nagpapabalik-balik,At pinapangarap ang aking hinahanap.
Kailangan ko ng bida,Naghihintay ako ng bida hanggang sa dulo ng gabi,Siya'y dapat malakas, at mabilis,At dapat sariwa mula sa laban.Kailangan ko! OH FUCK!!! BIBINGKA ANG PUTA!!!" yelled Miguel, encountering a strange bird before him. "Ah. The Adarna Bird," he smiled, slowly walking toward it and preparing to place it in his cage, but the bird began to sing. Miguel feels immediate nausea and falls to his knees. He proceeds to puncture his eardrums.
Miguel turns into an Aswang and prowls toward the bird, silently, before pouncing upon it...
Switching to the next scene, Miguel can be seen roasting the bird over a fire he made.
Miguel smiles, very confident that if any critter were to find him, they'd be sorry.
"HEYA THERE!!!" A random man pops out of nowhere and meets Miguel.
Miguel fixes himself, seeing the man before him. "Uh, hey. I can... somehow tell your intentions with me aren't very honorable."
"HOLD THAT THOUGHT!!! Ever heard of a movie!?" he smiled.
"Um..." said Miguel.
"Sorry! Sorry... The name's Miguel Ibarra. I'm often called Miguel the Wizard."
"You're a Prometheus..."
"No, no. I'm an Epimetheus!!!"
Miguel is very confused.
"Yeah, yeah! I uh... Well... I'm known for makin' animals and junk! Geneticist for the Pantheons, but it's yo lucky day because this Epimetheus... IS A MOVIE MAKER!!! A MAGICIAN!!!" he smiled, showing his wand. "Now, what do ya want, kid? Think of a movie!"
Miguel turns left and right. "Um... How about..." he smiled. "One about Lapu-Lapu?"
"Yeah! Sure, kid! Let's sprinkle in some Latinas and African-Americans in the cast! One here, one there, one over-..."
"Why... Why would there be black people and Latin Americans in a cast supposedly full of Filipinos?"
"Diversity, kid! Diversity! Wouldn't wanna be racist, would ya?"
"But... This is historical. Historically, only Filipnos-..."
"ARE YA... RACIST!?!?" asked Epimetheus.
Miguel turns left and right. "Y'know what? NO, I'M NOT!!! Yeah! Black and Latinas!" he cheered.
"Great! How's Denzel Washington sound to play Lapu-Lapu?" he smiled.
"Who now?"
"African-American actor!"
"Shouldn't Lapu-Lapu be Filipino?"
"Shouldn't Snow-White be white? C'MON, KID!!! BE CLEVER!!!"
"Huh... Never thought of it that way..."
"EXACTLY, KIDDO!!! Now, make a movie with me!"
"Y'know what? Why the heckin' heck not?" smiled Miguel.
"PERFECTO CINEMATICUS!!!"
Suddenly, Miguel is transported into another world by his own alter, and they end up in a sort of blank canvas void, where Epimetheus began drawing characters out from thin air.
"Now... THIS... IS ABSOLUTE CINEMA!!! Let's add a Demon... I MEAN!!! No... Let's go with Aswang. Those bastards are terrorists."
"I mean... Just because they're Demons and are aiding Aurora in the Hellish War don't mean that all of 'em are bad."
"NAY, I SAY!!! I recently quitted my old job and I say that these bastards are fuckin' twaddlebunkers!!! They're motherfuckers, Miguel! MOTHER... FUCKERS!!! And we need to make a movie that adheres to all the modern audiences!"
"Shouldn't we be considering cultural realism over diversity?"
"Kid... You a Democrat?"
"A what?" asked Miguel.
"Exactly. You a Filipino, I'm a Pinoy who grew up in Murrica! Don't mess with the master, boyo!!!"
"Oh... Um... Okay...? Alright."
"Now... Let's give Denzel Washington a quirky thingie to adhere to-... I GOT IT!!! He has Obsesive Compulsive Disorder!"
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"Why!?"
"Diversity! I mean, you're neurodivergent!"
"Yeah.. But... Mine wasn't... really a choice...?"
"Mhm! Mhm! Democracy, kiddo! DEMOCRACY!!!" Epimetheus shook Miguel harder. "OOH!!! It's the studio industry!" He warps out a phone and speaks into it. "Mhm! Mhm? OF COURSE!!! NO!!!" he roared. "I QUIT!!!" He goes back to his normal voice. "Alright, where was I? Ah, yes! We must find a way to bring Mr. Beast as a cameo..."
"Wait... I just realized... I was told a Major Arcana lived in these woods..."
"Ah, ah, ah! FORMER MEMBER, KIDDO!!! No need to even TRY to kill me!" He switches to serious. "I am death incarnate." He goes back to his normal attitude. "Now, 'dude'. Lemme tell ya sumthin' about Feminism. We need female leads! Let's change Lapu-Lapu into a woman! No, no wait! No... Ah, yes! Halle Barry playing his super big girl boss of a daughter!"
"I just... tried to write your AI Cast, it immediately went to numbering each race one by one. Should I be concerned?"
"Silly KIDDO!!!" he smiled. "That's called segregative classification! It's just a fancy word for race profiling!"
"Um... Not really? That means you're categorizing your actors based on race and that's fucked. I thought democracy was about freedom and liberty and crap...?"
"Silly kiddo! I said 'Democrats!'"
"There's... a difference?"
"Now there is! You see, America is a racist country regardless! So, it don't matter when your black, white, Asian, Jewish, or... ANYTHING!!! America is going to fall apart once I make this movie!"
Miguel prepares his fighting stance. "Look, guy. I can't kill ya, but you can't just take out America like that. America was important to Pro."
"Prometheus hated Murrica!" smiled Epimetheus. "ALL OF 'EM DID!!! It just takes one Pro to destroy thousands of versions of 'em..."
"But my Pro embodied what America should be. A place where anyone can be anything. Not a place for pieces of garbage like you to try and make terrible pieces of art and allow the real world's worst messages to bleed into it."
"*GASP!!!* They're learning!" Epimetheus prepares his own Usog... "Well, HOW DO YA LIKE THEM CINEMATIC APPLES!?!?" Epimetheus prepares an attack...
Miguel unleashes Hell Fire at Epimetheus only for his flames to be frozen completely.
Miguel's eyes widen. "This... Usog... is famil-..."
Epimetheus moves aside. "Ladies and Gentlemutts! We have a celebrity in our MIX!!!"
Tyrone charges and tackles Miguel, breaking his ribs and beating him to the ground.
Tyrone smirks angrily and confidently, meeting MIguel again.
Miguel smirks. "Tyrone? Pretty damned sure I killed you already."
Tyrone sparks ice in his hands. "Nope."
Tyrone creates frost gauntlets that he uses to beat Miguel into the ground. Each time he smashed his frozen knuckles into his face, blood splatters everywhere. "YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD KILL A COCKROACH, BITCH!?!? HUH!?!? YOU FUCKIN'-!!!"
Miguel grabs his head and crushes it but Tyrone regenerates almost immediately.
Miguel is horrified and backs away.
"They call me a cockroach for a reason, mutt," he sneered, beating Miguel heavily with his fists. "You think a monster like you was capable of killing someone like me?"
Miguel stands right back up and readies his fighting stance. "You wanna go? THEN GO!!!"
Tyrone smiles and beats Miguel down over and over, his nose's blood spllattering upon each heavy throw of his fist.
"You really think you're ready for him?" smiled Tyrone, grabbing Miguel, carrying him up and kneeing his back, but Miguel, upon the touch of his knee, manages to aerial cartwheel kick him away.
Tyrone catches his foot and slams him to the ground.
Tyrone throws another punch but Miguel catches it. He punches a few times more, but Tyrone simply throws more punches.
"Ever heard of Usog?" smiled Tyrone. "Usog means faith. Faith empowers ME!!! Because you've literally lost faith in yourself, lil bro."
Miguel roars and headbutts him over and over but Tyrone just beats him to submission, each of his bones crunching and cracking upon each quick strike.
Tyrone grabs him by the hair and beats him over and over. "YOU STILL THINK WE DESERVE TO HAVE PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN OUR LIVES!!! AT LEAST WE DON'T COMPLAIN AND BREAK OUR WIVES' HEARTS!!! AT LEAST WE HAVE THE COURTESY TO AVOID COMPLAINING ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS!!!"
Miguel is dazed, beaten, bruised, and bloody all over, and Tyrone just drops his head on the ground, beginning to kick him again, and again, and again, each time he kicks the cracks in his bones get louder, with with fountains of blood painting the windlike rose petals. His teeth are mostly crooked, all bent and some had even fallen off his gums, melting off his mouth like chewing gum.
"I'm going to tell Anna. She'll leave you FOR... ME!!!" Tyrone beats Miguel over and over. "And I'll make sure she makes fun of your tiny PRICK!!!" Tyrone grabs him and punctures a hole into his chest.
Miguel growls as Tyrone grabs a broken-off branch from the ground and tries to stab Miguel's face with it. Miguel roars, pushing it away, but Tyrone hammers down onto it toward his face, over, and over, and over again, until finally, his skull is punctured and Miguel's brain stuff leaks out, causing Miguel to gag in horror and anguish, but Miguel's eyes slowly turn and he regenerates, entering Diwata State.
Tyrone smirks, entering a more beautiful version of his cockroach form, now complete with his handsome face. Tyrone smirks and beats Miguel to the ground with his fists, simply one-shotting him. "C'mon, Miguel. I heard freaks like you deserve a second chance. SO TAKE IT!!!"
Miguel wearily tries standing up, wheezing and gasping, holding his fists up to try and knock him down but Tyrone, with a firm defense, manages to counter it and pin him down, tearing his arms off and freezing them so he won't reattach himself, of which he would shatter the arms into pieces. Miguel desperately tries regenerating his limbs but Tyrone beats Miguel over and over with his single foot, shattering his ribs effectively making his rib puncture his veins inside. He falls to the ground, screaming in pain.
Tyrone sighs. "Look, Miguel. Just lemme have her. She was always... mine to begin with... You're wrong. Your whole dramatic schtick is wrong. I don't care if you wanna kill yourself. That's on you for being so weird."
Miguel spits blood on his face but Tyrone hammers his fist one last time, knocking him out.
Miguel's fur... turns black.
Suddenly, Epimetheus backs away, having an 'Oh shit' look, he vanishes.
Tyrone smiles and beats Miguel over and over. "I... AM THE HERO... OF THIS STORY!!!"
Miguel coughs and snarls while Tyrone hammers him over and over, where suddenly, within a nanosecond, Tyrone's head is cut in half, where he falls to the ground, seemingly dead again.
Miguel reforms into his Human form, bloody but healed, but angrily screams and beats Tyrone's body. "FUCK!!! FUCK!!! FUUUUUUUUCK!!!" Miguel begins eating Tyrone.
Beatle stayed ever vigilant before Miguel. "I knew I sensed somethin' wrong... Kid... Calm down..."
Miguel growls and beats his chest.
"Wow. You made 'im a roach entree... Huh... Easy, boy... Easy..."
Miguel growls and roars. "KRRRYEEEEAH!!!" Miguel prepares a Hell Fist of the Demons, HIS STRONGEST attack that can shatter reality, only for Beatle to block it as he hammered his fist into Beatle's arm. Beatle swiftly knocks Miguel out with a single blow.
Beatle gets a headache, falling to his knees, sensing that reality itself fell out of balance. Was it... his Hell Fist of the Demons? Was that single punch capable of disrupting the fabric of the Multiverse itself?
Beatle shakes his head, grabbing Miguel and carrying him, opening a portal and leaving the forest, but before that, Beatle blasts at Tyrone's body over and over, making sure he doesn't try anything again. He closes the portal, but veins begin to envelope Tyrone's body...