The shadows seemed to stare into my soul, and I stared back. The darkness seemed to seep into everything around me. The air burned my cheeks and made my eyes water. Reluctantly, I slid across the floor till I was closer to the other girls. I nestled up to them for warmth. My fingers gripped my thin, worn blanket so tightly that they turned white. A soft sigh rose up from Alma's blanket.
"I wasn't prepared for it to be this cold," she whispered.
"I can see that!" I muttered back. Alma shot me a glare.
"It's not my fault, Blake. What am I supposed to do about it now?" she asked.
"I don't know," I admitted. With one final glare, Alma closed her eyes and rolled over. Soon she was snoring with the others. Those soft, steady snores brought so much calm to me. They were gentle reminders that I had other people with me here. I wasn't alone in a void of nothingness. My soul clung to those sounds for comfort. I needed those sounds, and that was exactly why I hated them so much. Why was I doing this to myself? Why was I clinging to these people who could transform into monsters within the blink of an eye?
My eyes closed and I tried to relax. The dark was harmless. It couldn't hurt me. It was the fact that I didn't know what it hid that bothered me. But I knew that fear was stupid. I would be very surprised if there was anything in this house that could possibly be more terrifying than me. That was a truly comforting thought. I felt my body relax as I thought about that idea. The snores had grown louder.
I could tell exactly what snore belonged to who just from the sound of it. Vera snored like a mouse, and I had to strain my ears in order to hear her snores. Sadie's snores were very breathy and slightly louder than Vera's. Alma's snores were deep raspy gasps that made it sound almost as if she was in pain. All of them were familiar and comforting. All of them, I hated. Even as sleep began to creep over me, I despised them.
Now I was somewhere in the past. Now I was somewhere far, far away. The rooms around me were white. There wasn't a speck of dust in the air around me. My eyes felt sore and dry. Every inch of my head throbbed with burning, stabbing pain. I wanted to bury my face in my hands and block out the awful bright rays of light that cut into my soul. But I couldn't move my hands.
No part of my body responded to my commands. This was how it acted when I was in ‘zombie mode,’ but I wasn't attacking anyone. All I was doing was lying perfectly still, looking up at the blurry faces that surrounded me. All of them were hidden behind masks. But I could see their eyes. There was so much terror and rage in their eyes. Out of the thick haze that surrounded me, their voices rose up. Now I could faintly make out what they were saying.
"Careful, she looks more awake now," one of them was saying. He was right. I was starting to feel more awake. The pain in my body was growing more and more intense. But worse than the pain was the thirst in my throat. I felt as if my throat had been aggressively scrubbed with sandpaper. The thought of water made my heart race with desperation. Water, cool refreshing water, that was what I needed. At the moment, there was nothing in the whole world that I wanted more than a drink of water. But there was nothing I could do. The thirst would completely consume me. Helplessness, desperation, panic. These things filled my soul.
"I think something is wrong, look at her face!" one of them said. Had I made a face? Water, I needed water. When was the last time I had had a drink? I couldn't remember. I hadn't known that thirst could hurt. The pain from my throat spread across me. The dry, thirsty pain mixed with the stabbing pain in my body. Was I about to die? Water, water, thirst, thirst. Now my mind was spinning and calling out silently. Someone help me! I don't want to die, please! Help me! I want to see my friends again! My lips opened and a desperate gasp escaped my mouth. It took all of my concentration to shape words in my mind and form sounds with my lips. But I managed to squeeze out a single sentence.
"Water... please... needing... water," I choked out. Instantly, the room filled with panicked shouts and screams. Before I could understand what was happening to me, I was being yanked to my feet. Fresh waves of pain shot through me. I felt a sharp jab in my side. Had someone just stabbed me? "I... need... water...please!" Tears blurred my vision and transformed the faces around me into blurry nightmarish creatures. When would this pain stop? Would it ever stop? Where were these people dragging me? My body couldn't take too much more of this shoving and stabbing. A small door swung open below me, and I fell to the ground. Now I was surrounded by darkness.
My eyes roamed the void around me, searching for the light. There were those faces again. They were looking down at me. Was this a dream? I hoped this was just a dream. The walls seemed to be closing in around me. The light faded as the door closed. Well, at least I didn't need to look at those awful faces anymore. The darkness grew deeper as my pain grew more intense. Now the walls seemed to be closing in around me. I couldn't breathe. There was no more air. I didn't even know what was real anymore.
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
I sat bolt upright. Sweat dripped from my forehead into my eyes and made them burn. Sweat and tears trickled down my cheeks. Telling myself I was safe did no good. It didn't matter that that awful memory was from the past. It was a memory that I would never forget. My arms shook as I hugged my knees tightly to my chest and waited for my heart rate to slow.
"Blake? Are you alright?" Sadie's voice was soft and full of concern. That voice was enough to soothe my racing heart. A part of me, the stupid part, wanted me to sob and hug her. I didn't need to do that. Her concern had brought me enough comfort already.
"I'm fine!" I snapped back, choking on my own tears. "Leave me alone or so help me I will break every bone in your little body!" Sadie didn't need to be told twice. That was the nice thing about Sadie. Unlike Alma, she never pushed or tested me. I waited until Sadie was snoring to cry. Muffling my sobbing was a bit of a challenge. This was ridiculous. What was I even doing? I was crying over a nightmare like a frightened child. How pathetic did you have to be to cry over dreams? The only helpful distraction from the fear was pain. It was the only thing that I knew would work.
I rolled up my sleeve and sank my teeth into my arm as hard as I could. The pain was sharp and instant. Fresh tears filled my eyes. Blood dripped down my arm. Pain and fear filled my mind, and the room seemed to spin around me. The darkness was no longer still and harmless. It was dancing around me. The shadows seemed to mock my foolish fears. I could hear the whole world laughing at me, mocking me. My eyes drifted away from the shadows and over to the four sleeping faces that lay beside me.
They wouldn't laugh at me. My heart wanted me to shake them all awake so that they would see my tears. I could count on these four to comfort me and soothe me. These girls always knew what to say to make me feel better. Foolish as it was, my remaining sanity relied on them fully, even if they didn't know it, even if I didn't show it.
That was a huge problem. That was a huge problem. These were the only people in the whole world that I couldn't afford to lose. But they were also the people that I knew I would lose. One day I would wake up to find my friends gone and bloodthirsty monsters in their place. Well, that was if I didn't wake up to find myself a bloodthirsty monster who had lost all control. I needed to hate these four, more than I hated this awful place. I needed to hate them more than the lab workers who had treated me like a dog. I needed to hate them more even than I hated myself.
My eyes closed. My head hit the pillow. But no rest came to me. No sleep came to me for the rest of the night. At last, I gave up and got to my feet. Someone was going to have to clean that blood up before Alma noticed. The first pale rays of sunlight were trickling into the shack through the cracked windows. Hopefully it would be a warmer day. The others slept soundly as I scrubbed my bloodstains off the floor and bandaged up my wounds. Why did I do this to myself? Why did I do anything? Why couldn't I be more like the others?
They all looked so happy and peaceful sleeping there. It was always me who had the nightmares. That was fair; I probably deserved them. But it would be nice to have at least one restful night. The lab workers said that once you were infected by the plague, you began to need sleep less and less. I was convinced they had straight up lied to me. Could I survive with one to two hours of sleep? Yes, of course. Could I function? Nope. It wouldn't be the first time that they had lied to me about something. You could fill seventy-seven books with lies that the lab workers had told us.
Soon there was no trace of blood anywhere in the house. I took the stained rags down the river and scrubbed them clean. Sunlight filled the world around me, but the rays brought no warmth. Everything was pale and cold. Everywhere I looked I saw grey and brown. It was almost spring. Why was the world still so colorless?
I arrived back at the shack just in the nick of time. Most of the time I was the first to wake up, thanks to these dreams. Alma sent Sadie and Vera out to catch breakfast and bring it back. Vera really needed to improve her hunting skills. My eyes followed the two of them as they left through the front door and sprinted across the fields. They were out of sight in an instant. Alma got to work right away. She folded the blankets and rolled up the sleeping bags. I watched her from my corner. It was a comforting sight. This was a normal morning. It was nothing like the disaster that had happened yesterday. Everything was going the way that it should.
Few things brought me more comfort than routines. Routines made life feel more predictable and they also made me feel more secure. That was dangerous. Routine and comfort were traps. Alma and the others wouldn't be here forever. One day I would wake up and they would be gone forever, replaced by soulless creatures, set on killing me. The sooner I realized that and distanced myself from them the better. It was dangerous to remain so dependent on the people who were most likely to end my life.
I gritted my teeth. This would end now. These were simply enemies that I had been forced to live with. I wanted nothing to do with them. I wished I hadn't been trapped here with them. This was what I needed to convince myself. Lies always made the truth easier to accept.
"Blake, are you alright? You've been awfully quiet this morning," Alma called. Her voice was always so gentle, even when she was angry or worried.
"I'm fine," I snapped. I turned and left the shed before she could ask me anymore questions. Vera and Sadie were returning. They had both caught something. I could tell by the joy and pride that was spreading across their wretched little faces. Someday I would either be killed by these girls, or they would kill me. Helpers, hunters, that was all that they were to me. That was all that they would ever be to me.