The instant that breakfast was over, I left the shed. This was what I did every single day. Already, the small, dark shed was getting to me. I could handle it during the night when the whole world was dark. But during the daytime that shack began to feel like nothing more than a prison.
"Where are you going, Vera?" Sadie called after me.
"Just for a walk," I whispered. "I'll be back soon." The air felt heavy today. A deep feeling of unease was spreading over my soul. There was something dangerous nearby. But I couldn't tell what it was or where it was coming from. The danger seemed to be everywhere and in everything. For all I knew, I was surrounded by a million unseen threats. My heart was racing, and I was running now.
The river was where I needed to go. Surely, I would feel better once I got there. Just the thought of watching that deep blue river as it drifted gently along gave me a fresh wave of strength. That was the only thing that brought me real peace. I could hear it now. What a delightful sound the soft, smooth waves were. Tears filled my eyes. The world around me became a blur of fear. Strange, shadowy figures seemed to leap out at me from all directions. Black faded into red as my fear faded into rage.
A rage that wasn't my own. I wanted to attack the monsters that surrounded me. I wanted to tear them into a hundred little pieces. I wanted to coat the ground with their blood. I would make them break and bleed and burn and then I would do it all over again.
"No, no, no!” Not even my voice sounded like my own. I knew exactly what was happening. This had happened many times before. Soon I would lose all control over my body and the rage would take over. Faster and faster, I ran. With what little control I had left I ran. Desperately, I tried to turn my thoughts away from the shadowy creatures that reached out to grab me. The river. I needed the river. Everything would feel better once I reached the river.
Now the monsters were changing. They were becoming faces that I knew.
"It isn't real!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. But telling myself that didn't change anything. The rage continued to pulse through me. A hand reached out and black claws tore at my skin. If this wasn't real, why did I feel so much pain? The monsters were towering over me now. There were three of them chasing after me. But they no longer looked like monsters. They looked just like Blake, Alma, and Sadie. Bleed, I wanted them to bleed. Before I could realize what I was doing, I flung myself at the Blake monster. She faded into the void of red rage.
No, I had to keep on going. The air felt less heavy now.
A soft, sweet scent reached my nose. I was near the river now. More hands reached out. More claws ripped into me. Soon I would be gone. Soon the monster would take over and there would be nothing I could do but watch as it ripped everything that I loved to shred while I watched helplessly. Now I could see the river. What a beautiful deep blue it was. I loved blue. What a kind and calm color blue was. It was so different from the burning harsh red that surrounded me.
My feet hit the soft white sand that surrounded the river. I shouldn't have waited. Coming to the river should have been the first thing I had done upon opening my eyes. Normally it was. If only Alma hadn't asked me to hunt. I should have ignored her and headed straight for the river. The rage was growing still more intense. With one final leap I charged into the river. The red faded. The rage faded away as well. Now I was surrounded by a blissfully still and peaceful darkness. Cool water washed over my face. For a moment, I felt perfectly at peace. Then water rushed into my mouth, and I found myself coughing and spluttering as the river pulled me along.
The current took hold of me and pulled me down into the dark waters again. I had forgotten just how deep the river was. It looked so calm and gentle from the shore. But it had a strong current that was hard to fight. Slowly, I regained control over my limbs and managed to push myself towards the shore. My feet touched the river floor, and I was able to wade my way back into the shallows. But I didn't dare leave the river.
Instead, I sat down in the shallows and stared at the pale grey sky above me. That had been a close call. The moment I left this calm place, the monsters would be back, and they would be stronger than ever. I wouldn't be able to fight them off. Had the others noticed that the attacks became stronger and stronger the more you experienced.
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
Someday, I would be helpless in the face of the attacks. There would come a time when not even the river could save me. The thought of that made my heart race as tears filled my eyes. But it wouldn't be today. I had won this round. My clothes were soaking wet, and my arms were covered with my own bite marks, but I had regained my control and that was all that really mattered.
Perhaps it would be good for me to just spend the rest of the day here, sitting in the river. I would let my mind wander to happier places. I would pretend that this wasn't real and that I had never been born. Or maybe I would just think of the past. Nobody had been frightened when the plague began. It sounded like a crazy made-up story. But it had spread quickly and soon, it was impossible to ignore. Sweden, our home, had been hit the hardest.
Every single one of us had fled to the government for help, me included. I had trusted that to doctors and the scientists could fix this. That was all before I caught it and was taken to the quarantine zone. That day hadn't felt real. It had felt like a fever dream. I had no clue just how awful things would become. The only thing that had made life at the labs bearable were the others. Blake, Sadie, Alma, they all seemed like totally different people now. I could still remember the people they once were.
Blake had been cheerful, bold and full of laughter. Sadie had been a sweet little angel.
Alma was the only one who still acted like her old self. I wouldn't have made it through all those weeks of agony if it wasn't for those three girls. Now they were gone, and I was surrounded by my enemies. There was nothing I could do now. I couldn't escape this place. All I could do was sit still and watch as the plague devoured us one at a time. Sometimes I felt as if that illness had a will of its own. It was a cold, cruel will, almost as cruel as the scientists who had tested us.I shook myself.
Thinking about this wasn't making anything better. Oh, if only there were a way for me to forget everything. A part of me just wanted to lie down and sleep. I was so, so tired. If only I could sleep forever and ever and never wake up. My eyes fixed themselves on the water. There was nothing in the whole world but me and the river. There were no monsters and no plague. I was totally alone with the river. Nothing in the world could hurt me. This was a safe place.
Few things were more soothing than lies. Long ago, I had mastered the art of lying to myself. I had also trained myself perfectly to believe the lies. It only took a few minutes for me to forget that there was a world beyond the river. Soon I forgot my own name and age as well as where I was and what time it was.
This was when I was the happiest. If only I hadn't ever been born. Surely, nothingness was better than pain and sadness. Surely, nothingness was better than having your control ripped away from you. My eyes slowly closed, and my ears savored the sound of the water flowing by. This was pure peace. It felt as if I only sat there in that blissful state of numbness for a few minutes. But the next thing I knew, I was being grabbed by the shoulders and dragged out of the water. My eyes opened to see Blake dragging me back towards the shore. Desperately, I tried to pull free. I couldn't leave the river. I was safe here. I needed the river.
"Let me go! I-I can't go back! Let me go!" I howled.
"Oh, shut up," Blake muttered under her breath. I could see Alma standing on the shore.
"Thank goodness, I thought we'd lost you," Alma breathed. Lost me? How much time had passed... oh. The sun had set. Now the sky was filled with stars. Alma took hold of my arm. "We should hurry on back. It's never a good idea to leave Sadie alone for a long time. In fact, splitting up like this is never a good idea. We really need to stop," she added. This wasn't okay. I couldn't leave the river.
"Are you alright, Vera?" Alma whispered. We were walking now. My eyes remained on the river. Why did they do this to me? Why did they drag me back to reality when I wanted to stay in dreamland forever? I winced as Alma touched the wounds on my arm. "These look new. You did this to yourself, didn't you?" Alma asked. Fresh tears filled my eyes as she spoke.
"Dang it, Vera! You can't keep doing this! The inspectors would be coming tomorrow! Do you want to be sent back to the lab?" Blake demanded. I flinched. How sharp her words felt. Faintly, I tried to pull away from Alma, but she held me firmly. My mouth opened, but no words came out, only screams. The river. That was what I needed. Why were they taking me away from the river? "Shut up!" Blake said again.
"Yelling at her won't make her stop. You should know that by now, Blake. Can you take her other arm? We really need to pick up the pace," Alma said gently. The shack looked smaller and darker than ever. My heart raced as we entered. Sadie was sleeping on the floor. At least she hadn't experienced any attacks today. Tomorrow was going to be awful. It was always awful when the inspectors came over. Alma sat me down by the window and used a damp rag to wipe away the blood and foam and tears that had drenched me. I looked into her eyes. Her eyes hadn't lost their light. She hadn't changed.
"I don't know if you can hear me right now, Vera. But you're going to be alright. You don't have to be afraid. I'm here for you," Alma said. A smile spread across my face. I could hear her, even if she didn't know I could. If nothing else, I had two friends in this heartless world. I had Alma and I had the river. Maybe I could dream about the river tonight.
"She's completely nuts. You know that, right?" Blake said.
Alma sighed. "Aren't we all?" she said softly.
"Maybe," Blake admitted. Maybe none of this was real. Maybe I had just imagined the plague. That was a nice thought. I was crazy. But I was safe. What a sweet lie. My mind took hold of it as my eyes closed and those sweet lies carried me away to a dreamland.