Sleep did not come quickly to Ruby that night. It didn’t matter that her body was weary and desperately needed rest. Her mind kept her up with all the unpleasant things that she just couldn’t shut out. What did the future hold for her? What kind of person would she become here? Would she transform into the kind of person who targeted little girls because they were 'easy points?' Blossom hadn't said much about what kind of person Ruby had been before she escaped.
They had been friends, yes. But Ruby didn't really know what past Ruby had been like, or what future Ruby would be like. For all she knew, she could have been a monster. Then there was the question of where she would be as she progressed. As she grew stronger, would she also become more cruel and more desperate for power?
With a groan, Ruby pulled the blanket over her head. Panic and worry didn't help her solve any problems. So why couldn't she stop this never-ending spiral of confusion and fear? What should she do instead? Ruby closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. She just wanted to curl up and cry. Crying was yet another thing that she just wasn't capable of. It was something that she wished she could do. The way Robert described crying, it didn't sound nice. But he said that people usually felt better after crying. It was a good way to express and get emotions out.
Ruby's face hadn't been made to express emotions. She could smile, frown and look sad. But she couldn’t mold her face in the same way that humans made of flesh and bone could. She couldn't wrinkle her forehead or squint her eyes. Her expressions would only ever express a tiny fraction of all the things that she felt.
This was an extremely stupid idea. It would be nothing more than a waste of her health and stamina. But in that moment, Ruby didn’t care. She was tired of feeling so alone. Gritting her teeth, Ruby raised her hand and brought it down as hard as she could. Instantly, it shattered. Ruby muffled her cry as pain spread from her hand to the rest of her body. For a moment, she just needed to sit there and wait for the sharpest pains to pass.
She had already regretted her decision. Robert wouldn’t have wanted her to do something this stupid. But she had already broken her hand. There was no turning back now. Her eyes closed. It was very easy to focus on her spell when it was so quiet and peaceful. She spoke the words as softly and slowly as she possibly could. Ruby's goal was to drag out the healing process so that it lasted as long as was possible.
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There it was, that delightful warmth. Now Ruby could hear Robert's voice, guiding her through the steps. (I hate it here, Robert. I also really miss you. Nothing makes any sense here) Ruby thought. (Everyone is so cruel in this place. But I guess that makes sense. What's the point of living in a world like this? All I do is fight and feel frightened)
Robert didn't answer her. But the warmth grew stronger. That brought a little bit of comfort to Ruby. It took the edge off of her fear. (I just wish you were still here with me. That would make everything easier. I-I don’t know what to do without you. I don’t know how to take care of myself, and I have no clue what to do now that I’m here) Ruby thought. Robert had hated these games as much as she did. He had thought that they were cruel.
Suddenly, a thought accrued to Ruby. There were countless dolls living in this city. Every single one of them was focused on surviving. But what if they all banded together to fight the humans? What if they focused all of their energy on escaping instead of wining? Of course, that wasn’t going to happen. There was no way that every single doll in the city would just wake up one day and forget about the games.
Ruby turned the idea over in her mind. Surely, it wouldn’t amount to nothing. Fear of punishment was the main thing that seemed to be holding the other dolls back. That was perfectly understandable. But weren’t the humans afraid of them too? They couldn’t understand the dolls or fully control them. There must be a reason for them to be afraid. Maybe Ruby could at least find a few other dolls who hadn’t given up on the idea of freedom. Even if they failed, it was worth a try. What was the point of living just to die over and over again? Sometimes boredom could outweigh even fear.
Ruby opened her eyes. Her hand was fixed, and the warmth was gone. What a waste of stamina that must have been. Yet Ruby was still glad that she had done it. That warmth was soothing and calming and allowed her to think through things clearly. She didn’t have a plan. But she did have a goal. It was probably a foolish and pointless goal, but it still felt good to have a goal. She would find more likeminded dolls who wanted freedom. Maybe she should start with Blossom. After all, Blossom had helped her escape the first time. Perhaps Ivy would also be interested. Ivy clearly held a lot of anger towards the humans. Maybe Ruby could use that.
These goals and dreams allowed Ruby to feel a little more alive. She wasn’t part of a death machine. She could plan and at the very least try to escape. Even if it ended in tragedy, Ruby could rest in the knowledge that she had defied the humans and that they could never fully control her. But for now, she needed rest and sleep to prepare her for tomorrow’s games. She could discuss things with the other dolls in the morning. Ruby’s eyes closed and she drifted off into a peaceful darkness.