CHAPTER 23: Blitzkrieg Bop
Another uneventful night. At least I was able to craft that hammock for us to use. No more stumbling around in the dark looking for a place to sleep.
Getting both of us into the hammock was challenging but we managed after a few flips and tumbles.
It beat sleeping on the rocky ground surrounding the riverbed.
Arthur had a new pep in his step and I noticed that he looked a bit more, puffy.
Maybe something with the class? I guess we can always find scissors if it gets too crazy.
“Hey big guy, slow down!” I shouted as he started pulling away.
“Woof!” He sped his fast walk to a jog.
“Ugh, I really need a coffee first.” I whimpered jogging to catch up.
It was still morning and we were about a mile or two from Manchester when we began passing homes and businesses on the old historic highway.
We veered off road when we noticed a gathering of people a half mile down the straightaway.
“Sniff test?”
After waiting for the wind to travel in our favor, Arthur shook his head, no.
“Damn, I figured. That’s a hell of a crowd. I wasn’t sure what they were until I zoomed in. I could see they were people but the clarity was shit so I couldn’t tell for sure. What do you think go around?” I asked, letting Arthur decide what he wants to do.
“Barr.”
“I agree, I don’t like fighting the people who were changed. It feels, wrong.”
“Ruff.”
“Let’s stick to this side of the road and keep a safe distance, we’ll slow when we get close so I don’t make too much noise.”
We quietly moved through back yards until we reached a small swampy area that tested the waterproofing on my outrageous boots.
Moving silently we passed the large crowd of undead. They sounded like people doing their best cow and whale impressions. The low moaning was accompanied by occasional short snappy screams and hollers.
It was a horrifying thing to hear, and made it more obvious that these were husks of what used to be. Just sacks of meat held together by whatever magic or curse this is. They sure as shit weren’t in there anymore.
While crossing a small clearing I paused to glance at the pack. I wish I hadn’t used my Scout Gaze skill to see so vividly.
Men, women and children all metamorphosed with different electronics and wildlife. One man looked to be growing around a tailgate to a small truck while one woman had a broken plastic snow shovel for an arm.
Seeing the snow shovel really confused me.
I thought the transformations were strictly with electronics, and the mutations were wildlife based. Apparently I’m missing some information.
Another man looked like he was stretched out, standing 8 feet tall with a sign that read “Olympia Lodge” growing sideways out of his back.
A small body traveled in circles on all fours. It had small plastic wheels for hands and knees, and a steering wheel from one of those small electric toy cars protruding from its head.
Fuckin’ hell...
I kept moving, silently following Arthur’s steps not wanting to fight the mass of people. I counted 14 undead, all above level 15 and I couldn’t see the entire group from my angle so my guess was closer to 18.
We made our silent escape and were cutting through a small trailer park. Most of the trailers were completely destroyed.
To one side was a line of scrap and trash all stacked up high.
I looked to the other side and saw 2 piles of clothes. A man and a woman, in between them was one small shoe.
I don’t know what happened there but it made my mind run rampant.
“Frrrreeze you scoundrels!” Shouting came from a distance, rolling the R like a runaway bus.
“Stay still and follow my lead. If anything happens, run while I knock them out.” I whispered while raising my hands above my head but I kept moving forward slowly, I didn’t want to hurt anyone.
“I said, frrrrrrrreeze!” The same young man’s voice echoed.
He sounded like one of those guys from that old movie my dad and brother would always watch.
It was never my jam but there were some funny parts in it that I enjoyed, like a guy with coconuts making a horse trotting noise.
“What was it called... Something about the holy grail.” I said out loud, getting a not so pleasant look from Arthur.
“Hello? We’re just passing through. We don’t want any trouble.”
“Don’t want any TRRROUBLE?! Just passing THRRROUGH!? Fools! To pass through these lands you must first pay TRRRRIBUTE!” The obviously fake and super thick British accent was…
Well, it was just horrible.
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“You want me to pay to walk through an old destroyed trailer park? We can just walk around. Money isn’t worth shit anymore you know?” I answered the jester.
“You WATCH your tongue PEASANT! You are in the prrrresence of a KNIGHT!” The boy popped his head above a small white trailer then clumsily climbed his way onto the roof.
Arthur growled every time he yelled.
He held an old busted toaster or air fryer in one hand and a small glowing rock in the other.
When he finally stepped onto the roof of the trailer he stumbled, almost falling back to the ground.
“You are in the presence of,” He tossed the broken appliance into the air with his left arm then the rock in his right hand began to brightly illuminate a red-orange color.
As he threw the rock, maybe it was a blender, he screamed, “SIR BRRRENDEN BENSEN, THE BUDGET BYATTLEMAGE OF BARNUMVILLE!”
The glowing rock missed the target by a few feet.
We watched it travel toward the trailer on the other side of the road where it tapped the front wall.
BOOM!
As soon as the rock hit the side of the trailer an explosion caused cheap plastic and wood shrapnel to rain over us.
“Woof woof woof!”
Arthur was not a fan so far.
“Chill Puck, that was a big explosion. Good thing his aim is shit, but let’s not test it.” I whispered.
“Silence you insolent MUTT!” The young man said.
“HEY!” I yelled sharply and saw the boys legs almost give out from surprise, “We’ve been nice and we’ve put up with this bullshit so far, but you call him a mutt again and I’ll cut your fuckin’ head off... Got it!?” I said with anger and adrenaline building in my chest.
“I’m s-s. I-I’m S-S-Sorry!” The boy said, stuttering in what I assumed to be his regular voice.
“It’s alright. Why don’t we all just chill out. There’s no need for all of this song and dance.” I said trying to get the kid to lighten up.
“O-O-k-k-Okay.” The boy cleared his throat then continued in the Accent, “Ach, Huach, Achem! Follow the path of gold, to BlueSky Castle Southwest. I will meet you at the gate to allow you entrance!” The boy said quickly climbing off of the trailer. We heard a loud thump followed by some rummaging then heard his feet flopping over the pavement as he ran behind trailers.
“Well, this is kinda fun. Let’s go see his castle I guess. Be a good boy though. He sounds young and alone.”
I looked down at the street and there was indeed a path. Not gold though.
The kid spray painted 2 parallel lines in the road, bright caution yellow, inside the lines was a hopscotch game drawn with yellow sidewalk chalk. The lines led to a light blue trailer.
So, we followed the “Gold” path.
When we reached the driveway of the trailer, we turned to see an even bigger makeshift fence built out of car doors, hoods and a bunch of electronic scrap from around the trailer park.
It was a literal pile of broken junk stacked up to make a wall.
“Grrruff!” Arthur growled then barked suddenly.
“What is it?” I asked as we listened to the boy stumbling over his own wall on the other side.
There was a door, it was still attached to the trim in front of us. The door had piles of shit around it holding it in place, along with a few boards that were awkwardly nailed to the trim and pushed into the ground at an angle barely holding it in place.
Arthur began drawing on the ground.
He growled as he drew stick figure after stick figure, Big, small, medium size.
Then he drew one with wheels on its hands and knees and I figured out what he was telling me.
“Shit. Kid stay in there, we have a horde of undead heading our way!”
“Wuh, w-w-wuh, What?” The kid said stuttering in his normal voice again.
I walked back into the road, Arthur following.
At the end of the park was a mass of undead abominations running straight at us full tilt.
I removed Convictions Claw and the Kite Shield of Elemental Warding, my armor already equipped when the kid tossed his explosive pebble, “Shit, I guess Sir Brandon or whoever the fuck he is was too loud. Flash Bang, then Baby Daddy on 3, Ready?”
“Woof!” Arthur equipped his armor and claws, standing right behind me.
“One,” The horde grew closer. Sounds of stomping feet and screams growing louder.
“Two,” Only few car lengths away. The smell of rotten flesh pierced my nose.
I activated Retaliating Wind and took a wide stance.
“Three!” Just before they could lunge, I closed my eyes and charged Wind Mana through my core.
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Arthur slid through my legs and activated Flash Step.
He ran in a quick circle knocking down multiple blinded enemies, then appeared behind me once more.
I swung the claw out with Arcing Thorn Whip backed by Gale Charge.
The electric blade put on a brilliant display of thunderous power as it sliced multiple enemies in half. The wind fed the attack, traveling further to knock over the next line of Undead.
I switched to my Atlatl as we began backpedaling. The plan, baby daddy, was our fighting in reverse play. Maybe not the most PC name we could think of but I thought it made sense and I had the last word I suppose.
Whenever I was sick, Arthur and I would lay down and watch Jerry Springer or Maury. In those shows the father of the child, or baby daddy, was always trying to avoid responsibility, or “run” from it.
I thought it was clever, but my sense of humor can be tough for some people.
Arthur just shook his head when I came up with the name, he had no alternatives.
Arthur should have been behind me retreating and fighting as they approached, instead he had something else to add into the first play.
He followed the gust of air, hopping forward then driving his front paws into the ground. When he landed the ground cracked and split, burning hot air expelled from the cracked earth, spitting up small flakes of lava. The crack in the ground traveled toward the enemies before forking into 3 paths.
The little Undead monstrosity on wheels was tripped up and fell into the crevice. A horrid scream escaped its mouth, followed by the smell of burning rotted flesh and plastic as the zombified child struggled to escape the fissure.
The cracks managed to slow down the crowd but it didn’t stop them.
“GOT DAYUM ARTHUR!” I shouted in pure adrenaline as I let loose javelin after javelin, using the momentum to our advantage.
Javelins traveled through the air, the first piercing an ‘Undead Brute’ through the chest and sticking into the ‘Undead Fiend’ behind it.
The second bounced off car door guy, snapping the wooden shaft to pieces but the destructive impact connected to it ripped the door apart.
I let 2 more fly as we kept moving back, the monsters jumped through the hot air bursting from the earth. My first throw was absolutely embarrassing, I watched as the javelin sailed over the head of the tallest Undead by a foot, while the last javelin struck the Olympia Lodge sign sticking out of the same ‘Undead Offenders’ back.
While retreating I noticed one of the Undead oddly walking behind the rest, not running.
I couldn’t grab its tag because it was too far away, and I couldn’t use Scout Gaze with so much going on.
It walked like it wasn’t driven by the same hunger or need to kill as the rest.
Long dark hair fell to her chest, covering most of the monsters face.
Her clothes were all torn and tattered.
There was so much dirt and muck in her that it was hard to see what she was possibly mutated or transformed with, I thought maybe that would give me a clue as to her specialty or monster type.
The zombie reached over grabbing the javelin from the sign and removing it.
She fired it back at me with terrifying speed and precision.
The Javelin slid in behind my shield, piercing my light plate to become entrenched in my shoulder. I ripped the javelin out with a grunt and loaded it into my atlatl, tossing it right back at her.
Did it just smile?
She reached a hand in front of her, pulling up one of the rascals by the neck to catch the javelin with its head.
A Brute and 2 Fiends moved on me.
I switched for my sword and struck out with an Arcing Thorn Whip, the electricity cooked the brute as it passed through his hip. His legs fell limp and the torso fell to the ground next to them. My razor sharp whip continued through the Fiend next to the big guy before wrapping the neck of the last Fiend.
I pulled back on the claws handle as if it truly were a whip, the electricity severed head from body as my weapon snapped back into a sword.
It actually is a whip? That’s so cool!
I stabbed the Brute dragging only his torso over the hot cement to try to reach me before he bled out.
“Arthur, I don’t know what’s up with the slow one in the back but be careful!”
While I brainstormed what was going on with the zombie lady in the back, Arthur lashed out with his claws, separating limbs from bodies.
He was a feral puppy god in action.
The Undead gang moved over his fissure and he leapt to meet them in mid air. He ripped his front claws through the first Undeads throat as his back paws crashed into its stomach to propel him to his next target. The Undead Offender shambled over the fissure, moving close enough for Arthur to remove its left arm with a quick bite as he sailed to his next target. He slammed into a Rascal with all 4 paws, smashing it into the ground as he bit its neck, nearly removing the head.
There were only 5 enemies left including the unknown.
A red-orange pebble flew past my head, just inches away.
BOOM!
The pebble hit just behind the group of Undead, the explosion sent them right into us.
Arthur managed to Flash Step away at the last second, avoiding the Fiend lunging at him.
I wasn’t so lucky.
The one armed Undead Offender fell right on top of me.
The bottom part of the blunt sign crushed my unprotected legs.
Another glowing chunk of cement flew overhead, landing a few feet behind the Offender and shoving him forward to prop him up on his sign so his one arm was free. The complete weight of the giant and the sharp broken edge of the sign acted as a potato peeler. The skin on my thigh peeled back, like the potato.
The Undead giant rained blows with it’s one arm, “Fuck! Stop throwing shit kid! You’re gonna kill me!”
I was pinned and couldn’t find a way out.
Arthur was cornered by 2 fiends, clearly he was still dazed from the explosion and I could see he was wobbly.
My shield was hard at work on my left arm attempting to block the heavy attacks.
I was searching for the missing zombie lady, the unknown is always the most dangerous situation.
I moved my shield higher as I turned to search my right just in time to see the last Rascal lunging for my exposed neck.
My blade was pinned in the stomach and sign of the offender on top of me so I dismissed it. Out of instinct, I reached my hand out to block the Rascal.
The next part was surreal.
I sort of drifted for a moment as I watched, detached from reality.
Bite one, the little zombie child separated my pinky finger from my hand.
Bite two, I saw my little finger rotate sideways on its tongue, then heard a loud CRUNCH as I watched my finger flatten out.
Bite three, my pinky was mush and I watched its neck muscles tense as it began to swallow.
Somewhere behind the chaos, the melodious voice of a woman drifted across the road, "Good boy."
I summoned Blood Lust with my hand just below the neck of the rascal.
Blood and gore rained.
I still held my shield but felt every punch when it connected. A nonstop beat thudded as the back end of my own shield pounded into my face over and over like someone playing rebound strokes on a snare.
I turned my attention and stabbed up. Over and over.
Every other poke slowed the punches as hemorrhage took effect and blood rained over my shield.
It was more umbrella at this point as I held it above my head to keep the gore from drowning me.
I glanced at Arthur.
That’s when I saw the unknown zombie lady working with the 2 Undead Fiends.
They were fast, not Arthur fast but fast enough to corner him while he was dazed and worn down. She held a diseased looking dagger in one hand that dripped poison from the tip while her other hand beckoned more magic.
I watched a sickly green and black smoke fill her hands. I could sense more and more Mana compacting the ball with more rotten power.
Then I noticed her tag.
[Linda Schmidt—Blight Witch]
[Native—Hell Aligned]
Time seemed to slow to a crawl.
She’s a human... Hell aligned?
She chose to attack us and send these fucking zombies at us?
Why would anyone do that?
“WHY!?” I screamed.
In slow motion I watched as she brought her arm back.
I cast Berserk at the same time releasing Retaliating Wind.
I elbowed the ground beneath me while shoving my hips out, forcing myself to my feet.
The Offender was bleeding out and the rascal was long dead but the violent gust sent both bodies and gore flying off through a trailer on the other side of the road.
I ignored the pain radiating from my legs. As soon as my toes hit pavement I pushed myself toward the Witch as her hands moved forward at Arthur.
Just before she let go I yelled, “Flash!”
The ball of poisonous magic left her hand.
Then I was blind.
I reached my arms out just before crashing into the woman.
We fell to the ground and I felt her trying to wrestle me away but I got my arms around hers and squeezed.
I felt something wrong with my stomach but I didn’t relent.
I squeezed harder and felt her ribs popping under the pressure.
I felt woozy and sick but my sight was returning as I blinked the afterimage away. Arthur had one fiend dead at his side and the other was gnawing on the ligaments and tendons behind my knee.
I could finally make out the woman through the white dot that was my vision.
“Voldrix... Will… He’ll,” Was all she could muster before I had enough.
I stood to my feet on one mangled leg, holding her by the neck.
I tightened my grip as I watched the light fading from her eyes.
“Woof!”
Arthur killed the last of the Undead and was standing behind me, watching me.
“ARGHH!” I screamed in outrage, but I stopped myself from killing her.
I used the edge of my shield to bash her in the face, shattering her nose and orbital bones and knocking her out cold.
Adrenaline and the Berserk skill were the only reason I wasn’t in a heap next to her.
My health was dropping fast as I sat beside the unconscious woman and noticed I bagged another level up. I removed a potion and with my health critically low, I drank. A second later, Berserk wore off and I fell back unconscious.