Eight days had passed in preparation for the ritual that would treat Epona’s fears, the same fears that had kept her from sleeping.
Ana was holding Epona by the hand. The horse goddess still kept her head lowered, her eyes hollow and exhausted. She looked almost skeletal now, and her hair—which she had always cared for so dearly, styling in many different ways—had turned whitish and disheveled. Her face and arms were marked with scars, for she often hurt herself in terror whenever she heard those incomprehensible voices at night.
Unfortunately, there was no ambrosia in Chaco, nor anywhere else in the New Continent, so the only way to treat Epona’s wounds was with medicinal herbs. The equine goddess felt certain that Rodrigo would reject her, for the face he had once loved now bore not only the scar Belenus had given her in Denmark, but also the wounds she herself had inflicted during those nights.
Ana and Epona walked beside Grandmother Spider, who in turn was escorted by divine spirits known as Kachina, beings of a rank similar to the malakim in other divine realms. Human priests followed behind them as well. All of them wore ritual masks with minimalist faces and elaborate feathered headdresses, along with white robes adorned with colorful geometric patterns.
They walked in procession toward a vast esplanade in a high part of the city, protected by a great wall and accessible only by a staircase. Smoke rose from inside it.
“That is a kiva, a ceremonial center where we shall treat the girl,” said Grandmother Spider. “It took us eight days to purify it, so now it will be possible to cleanse the evil that has taken hold of her.”
When they reached the steps, the Grandmother stopped.
“From here onward, this is sacred ground. Only the girl may enter with me,” the old woman said. “Under ordinary circumstances, you would have been allowed inside, but it was necessary to reach a very high sacred level in order to heal her.”
Ana nodded, released Epona’s hand, and embraced her.
“Everything’s gonna be okay, Epona. You’ll see,” she said.
The Celtic goddess nodded, though without much spirit.
Grandmother Spider offered her hand to the equine goddess and led her up the steps, while the Kachina climbed behind them toward the curious sacred structure. The priests then circled the building and began to dance, as though in a trance.
Epona and Grandmother Spider reached the top, where there was a wide esplanade painted completely white. Smoke rose from a small opening in the center, and at the far end stood a staircase leading into the building’s interior. Grandmother Spider guided Epona there, while the Kachina spread out around the esplanade and, like the human priests, began to dance as well.
Ana lost sight of them, and inwardly wished her friend good luck. But she also felt more at ease, because she knew Epona would get better, and that she herself would finally be able to rest.
The exhaustion struck the goddess at once. She nearly collapsed to the ground, but braced herself against the wall of one of the houses near the great sacred structure.
I’m so tired. I’ve barely slept in almost a month, the goddess thought as she felt herself fading beneath the heat of the place and the noise of the crowd. The adrenaline that had kept her standing was gone now, and all that remained was a woman who had exhausted every last bit of her strength.
At that moment, Ana did not clearly see who was lifting her up, but that person carried her away in their arms.
Without even asking who it was, Ana closed her eyes and said, “Rui, you came back,” smiling as she drifted off to sleep.
Ana awoke at night. She realized she was lying on the mat in the room where they had been staying in Chaco. It was the room she had shared with Epona for eight days while taking care of her, but this time she was alone.
Through the window she could see a waxing crescent moon and countless stars. Ana could not help but notice the constellation Pegasus before all the others, and she smiled.
“I can’t stop thinking about Epona, not even subconsciously,” she told herself. A moment later, she found the constellation Ophiuchus and thought of Rodrigo.
The room was small and square, decorated with cloth hangings covered in geometric designs. In the middle of the room lay the two mats where Ana and Epona had been meant to rest. The torches were out, and on the side opposite the window there was a wicker ladder leading up to the roof. The building they were in had been carved into the wall of the canyon that sheltered the settlement.
Ana then felt the urge to climb onto the roof and look at the stars from there. She climbed the ladder and emerged through a small opening in the roof. Once outside, she saw Loki sitting there, still transformed into a woman. The god was also gazing at the stars.
“Oh, it’s you,” Ana said sourly when she saw the Norse god.
“My apologies for not being your beloved ‘Rui,’” Loki replied with sarcasm.
“I just… thought I saw him when I passed out near the temple where Epona is,” Ana answered as she climbed out of the opening and sat on the roof, though as far from Loki as she could.
Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.
“They haven’t come back, and for all you know, they may never come back,” Loki said mockingly.
“Bah, what would you know about trusting other people?” Ana replied, barely bothering to look at the Norse god.
“Well then, tell me this. How is it that the woman who shouted to the King of Tula at the top of her lungs that she loved that man is now sacrificing her own well-being for the woman who has him enthralled?” Loki asked mockingly. “Is it guilt?”
Ana grew furious. She wanted to stand and strike Loki, but forced herself to calm down and ignored him.
“Epona… is my friend,” Ana replied more calmly. “Even if Rui never loves me, I can’t take happiness away from her or from him.”
“Even if it destroys you a little more every day? Watching the two of them cuddling together, or perhaps sharing some heated bout of sex, while you simply sacrifice yourself like a slave before them and keep smiling?” Loki asked.
“I pity you,” Ana said, biting her lip.
“Shouldn’t it be the other way around?” the dark god asked.
“I pity you because you don’t know what love is,” the Irish goddess said.
“And do you?” Loki asked.
For a moment, both of them fell silent.
“It was you, wasn’t it?” Ana asked, turning to look at the Norse god. “You brought me back here when I fainted?”
“Who knows?” Loki answered. “Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that you are an extraordinarily beautiful woman, and I simply could not leave you in such a humiliating state.”
Ana blushed and turned her gaze away again.
“Well… thanks for not leaving me there abandoned,” she said.
“My pleasure,” Loki replied with a smile. It felt strange to Ana that the god looked at her that way while still in a woman’s form.
“H-how long did I sleep?” Ana asked in confusion.
“Almost three days. You were obviously exhausted, and all the sleep that posca kept from you had to be reclaimed eventually,” Loki replied.
“Three days? So Epona’s ritual will end in five more,” Ana murmured to herself.
Ana turned to the moon again and remembered the conversation she and Loki had shared back in Denendeh. The light of the satellite made the goddess’s eyes shine even more brightly than usual, while her face took on a silvery glow.
“It still stands, Ana,” Loki said to her, seeing that she was looking at the moon.
“What still stands?” Ana asked, confused.
“Your former husband from the Tuatha Dé Danann. I promised I would help you kill him, and I’m no longer bound in chains, so don’t think it was merely a ploy to escape,” Loki said, also looking at the moon.
Ana blushed and shook her head.
“No, no. I was very drunk when I told you that. Forget it,” the Irish goddess said nervously.
“And why should I forget it? He abused you, did he not? At the very least, that wretch ought to be castrated,” the Norse god replied imperiously.
“Rui explained to me that we have to accept the negative consequences of this world. I have to leave that in the past too,” Ana replied.
“And that's cowardly bullshit,” Loki said sharply.
“It’s not cowardice, it’s called maturity!” Ana shot back angrily, glaring at Loki.
“Then tell me this. How many girls have suffered what you suffered at your former husband’s hands? Do you truly believe you are the only one that man has raped and escaped unpunished?” the Norse god asked angrily.
“And why do you care about that? You’re a vile murderer!” Ana shouted angrily, staring at him with open defiance.
“Yes, Ana. I, Loki, am a murderer,” the Norse god replied calmly. “But I have paid for my crimes, and I shall yet pay for the war I brought into the realm of humans.”
At that moment, Loki looked at Ana. Even though Loki was still transformed into a woman, the Irish goddess could not help but think that it was still the same face as the Norse god’s.
“Vengeance is the only right we victims possess,” he said.
Ana fell silent and began to think of her sisters, and of how much harm Dagda might have done to them. Then she pressed her lips together hard.
“Yes, I want to kill him,” Ana finally admitted. “But… he is the anunnaki of the Tuatha Dé Danann. He is the god Dagda.”
Loki was stunned.
“Dagda? The wise god and most beloved of the Tuatha Dé Danann? Are you serious?” the Norse god asked.
“He has excellent propaganda among the Irish gods and among humans,” Ana explained. “Only I know that rotten face of that old man. But that would mean making enemies of all the Tuatha Dé Danann again.”
Loki began laughing brightly.
“I can’t believe it. Even I was fooled by that man. Incredible!” Loki said, suddenly full of excitement as he rose to his feet.
“So I suppose you don’t believe me, do you?” Ana asked.
“Are you joking? Of course I have no reason to doubt you,” the god replied eagerly. “In fact, now I have even more reason to help you. He’s not just some pathetic god—he is the pathetic god of an entire kingdom of deities.”
Loki then walked over to Ana and offered her his hand.
“Let us make this alliance official, Ana. Once we leave these lands, I shall go with you and aid you in your vengeance,” the Norse god said.
Ana was stunned. On one hand, she was amazed that someone like Loki wanted to help her, but she knew that what she was facing would be nearly suicidal, and she was afraid. Even so, she wanted to know what had become of her sisters, and whether they were still alive. Uncertainty and nervousness surrounded her.
“L-let me think about it,” Ana finally said.
“Very well. It is not as though we are going to do it tomorrow or anything,” Loki replied, withdrawing his hand.
“Why would you help me?” Ana asked, more relaxed now as she turned to look at the dark god.
Loki could not help but notice how beautiful Ana’s eyes looked under the moonlight.
“It is very simple, Ana. It is because I love you, and I have done so since the day we fought in Denmark,” Loki answered with a smile.
Ana blushed again and was left speechless.
“I know, I am nothing more than an evil god who can never compare to your ‘Rui,’ but whether you ever accept me or not, I have decided to help you,” Loki said, looking straight into her eyes.
“But… you’re married,” Ana said.
“So are you, are you not?” Loki replied.
“It’s not the same. Your wife is a pious woman, and my husband is a fucking bastard,” Ana answered nervously.
“Oh yes, my lovely Sigyn,” the Norse god said.
“How can you have the nerve to say something like that when there is a woman who spent a thousand years tending to you while you were imprisoned? Do you think you can use me the same way?” Ana asked, now openly upset.
“Sigyn is pious, but she does not love me, and I doubt she ever shall,” the god replied.
Loki then sat beside Ana and began to explain.
“There is a goddess in Asgard named Skadi. She turned the two sons I had with Sigyn into a serpent and a wolf. My son Nari, whom she turned into a serpent, was killed so that the bonds that held me in prison could be fashioned from him. My other son, Valí, I know nothing of, for he lost consciousness as a deity and became nothing more than another wolf. He is likely dead by now.”
Loki continued.
“With no reason left to live, Sigyn devoted her life to me. But now that I am gone, I do not know what has become of her life, and no one has told me anything of her whereabouts.”
“What fault did your children bear for your crimes?” Ana asked angrily.
“None. But that is justice in Asgard,” Loki said, placing both hands behind his head as he lay back upon the ground.