The walk to the infirmary was done in complete silence. Father's frustration was still evident as The Doll did not dare to speak unless first spoken to. Eventually the two stood before the entrance to the infirmary, both having not said a word to each other since leaving Malina's room.
Deciding to break this silence, Father said, “Remember to act proper.” There was no care in his voice, just a cold reminder of how The Doll should act.
The Doll wordlessly nodded, and in response, Father wasted no time simply pushing the doors open to reveal the interior that The Doll still remembered from her own stay. Medicinal herbs still lined the walls of the pure white room. Beds were still laid out with open curtains around all of them with the exception of one that remained close.
Through the cracks of this closed curtain The Doll could vaguely see a light that The Doll figured was likely from the nurse using Helliona. It was rather clear that behind this curtain lay Lukaz, but The Doll found herself hesitant to move forward.
She found herself strangely sick at the idea of seeing Lukaz in the state he would certainly be in.
Father had no such qualms walking towards the closed curtain. After noticing that The Doll was not following her, he turned around briefly to grab The Doll’s arm, dragging her towards the curtain alongside him.
As soon as the two reached the curtain, Father pulled it open to reveal the scene inside. Before The Doll could witness the sight, she closed her eyes tightly. The Doll found herself unable to look at Lukaz’s current condition, knowing it was her fault he was here.
With her eyes closed The Doll could only hear the next words spoken by the familiar voice of the healer: “It's typical to leave if the curtain is closed and I'm not present.” Her voice was very flat, just like The Doll remembered, yet a hint of exhaustion mixed seamlessly into it, followed by a stifled yawn.
The Doll figured the healer must have been healing Lukaz throughout the entire night leading into now.
Father removed his hand from The Dolls arm and said, “I apologize, but I'm sure you can understand the urgency given the relationship between these two.” The Doll kept her eyes closed tight despite the mention of her.
The Doll felt the healer's gaze drift over to her. “She doesn't seem to care too much to be here, her eyes are closed.” The deadpan accusation caused The Doll to immediately open her eyes before Father saw her.
When The Doll opened her eyes, she was immediately blinded by the transition of the comforting darkness to the bright white color of the infirmary. While The Doll’s eyes adjusted to the light, she heard the healer say, “I actually don't particularly care; I was finished anyway.” Did she say that she was already finished?
Injuries like the ones that Lukaz received, even with the assistance of Helliona, should take a week at the very least to heal with constant attention. Perhaps she meant that she was done healing Lukaz for now and would come back later, though that would risk the healing from Helliona being undone. As The Doll ruminated on this, her eyes fully adjusted to the light, and she saw Lukaz lying on the bed without a scratch on him.
The Doll felt confusion from the sight at first, but this was quickly overwhelmed by waves of relief that poured throughout her body. Seeing that Lukaz was okay made The Doll feel as though the immense weight of guilt she felt was slightly lightened.
Father spoke, causing The Doll to shift her gaze from the fully healed Lukaz to Father, who stared at Lukaz with his indecipherably cold expression. “A talented healer Nero always has had an eye for the talented sort.” The casual mention of the headmaster's first name once again forced The Doll to suppress the questions that arose about the nature of their relationship.
Finished appraising Lukaz, Father turned to face The Doll. When his gaze landed on her The Doll shrunk. realizing that now it was just the two of them, with the exception of Lukaz, who didn't seem likely to wake soon.
The Doll prepared for the worst, be it a slap or simple scolding, and she tensed up, ready for it. However, rather than do any of this, Father questioned, “You must be curious as to me and Nero's relationship.” His cold voice sounded distant as he spoke like his mind was somewhere else entirely.
Moving hastily to defend herself The Doll spoke the truth: "No, I would never question you, Father.” Father should know that despite her curiosity The Doll would never question him or his actions. Though considering how The Doll had acted since his arrival at Dreadwood, perhaps Father would question this; that should be common sense for The Doll.
Father nodded as she said this: "Yes, and you would do good to remember your place, especially with the defiance you showed earlier today.” The Doll flinched slightly at the mention of this defiance she showed but maintained her composure for the most part. It felt as if now that The Doll was out of Malina's room, she could act proper much more easily as she should.
The Doll expected this conversation to end here now that Father had gotten his point across; however, he continued to speak, “I do find myself wishing to speak about it, so I will inform you despite it being far from your right to know.” The Doll wordlessly nodded as he said this, knowing it would be unwise to speak up now.
Following The Dolls' silence, Father took a deep sigh before speaking, “I suppose I should start this story with the fact that I and Nero are half brothers.” This declaration immediately caused The Dolls' eyes to widen in shock. To The Dolls' knowledge, Father was an only child from the Platheses family before marrying Mother.
Before she could think better of it The Doll asked, “You have a brother? I have an uncle?” Around anybody else, such a question for information so shocking would be standard expected even. But interrupting Father when he was divulging such personal information was foolish for The Doll.
Father once again did not retaliate against The Doll for acting above her place but rather chose to engage with the question. "It's not as though you have a right to that information, Doll, but I myself was also not aware until five years ago.” How could Father not have known he had a brother? Such a notion was rare among nobles.
But could The Doll truly act so shocked she had just recently found out that Darius was her own half-brother by law? But if Father's case was similar, that would mean the headmaster was a bastard.
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Confirming The Doll’s suspicions, Father said, “Nero was a bastard born from my mother committing adultery.” Father's voice held a note of disdain at the mention of his mother's sin.
The Doll could but wonder about why if Father found the act so distasteful but still he would commit it himself?
Father continued to speak, choosing not to acknowledge his disdain, “I only found out when Nero chose to reach out to me in order to connect with me. An invasion that I naturally accepted to confirm that what he claimed to be true was true.” The Doll felt doubt about the truthfulness of this story creep up for a second, finding it unlikely Father would go without first confirming if the headmasters' claims were true. These doubts, however, were quickly snuffed out as The Doll reminded herself to not doubt Father.
Continuing the story, Father said, “When we met each other for the first time, he quickly managed to confirm his relation to me by showing me his magic that was identical to the one I had before marrying your mother and taking on the Ashencroft lineage.” Father paused after saying this as if allowing The Doll to ask a question.
Initially confused The Doll stood in silence for a second before recalling that Neros's last name wasn't Platheses; it was Moris. He shouldn't be able to use Father's own magic anymore. “That shouldn't be possible.” The Doll simply stated, still trying to reason out how the headmaster could do this silently, cursing herself for neglecting mana studies due to her own inability to use mana. If Lila was here The Doll was sure she would know the reason, but…
No, she shouldn't rely on others; she was The Doll.
Father let out a slight chuckle that somehow still sounded distant. “I agree it shouldn't be possible using a lineage magic you no longer possess. That's part of why every noble family is required to produce a daughter.” The Doll couldn't help but note Father didn't actually answer the implied question in The Dolls statement.
Deciding to speak more plainly The Doll directly asked, “Then how did the headmaster manage it?” After asking the question The Doll quietly waited for Father to reply, something that took much longer than she anticipated.
Father brought his hand to his chin in thought before saying, “Truthfully I still don't know Nero; he only told me mana is a truly fascinating thing. I would quickly find out he considered himself a scholar of sorts.” Father brought his hand down from his chin after saying this.
Something about this story left The Doll puzzled. If what Father said was true, then the headmaster found out some method of magic that could greatly reduce the risk of magic extinction. Such information could give him not only fame but also vast amounts of wealth, yet he chose to keep it hidden. Keeping this information hidden didn't only not make sense, but it was a blatant betrayal of the realm and the crown.
Recognizing that Father was still willing to allow The Doll to ask questions The Doll asked, “Why didn't you inform the crown of this?" The question hung in the air for a moment, seeming to have hit a nerve with Father.
After a moment of silence, Father finally said, “He made me an offer I couldn't refuse.” The Doll figured this must have something to do with the deal Father and the headmaster referred to earlier.
Daring to push her luck even further The Doll decided to ask, “What was the offer?" The simple question immediately caused Father's gaze to harden back to its usual state, reminding The Doll of her place.
Father opened his mouth to speak again, "Remember your place, Doll.” He then raised his hand up, likely to strike The Doll but ultimately brought it down. "You're fortunate I have other business to attend to and must leave.” Father then turned around and began walking towards the curtain.
Relief filled The Doll hearing that Father would be leaving, though the sudeness was confusing. In a formal gesture The Doll bowed down to Father despite him being unable to see her and said, “Very well, Father.” The Doll didn't dare to unbow until Father had fully left the curtain.
Upon reaching the curtains, Father brought his hand up to open them but stopped gripping the fabric tight in his hand. "Don't embarrass me any further in my absence.” After this threat veiled as a simple declaration, Father threw the curtain open, leaving The Doll alone with the sleeping Lukaz.
As The Doll stared at Lukaz's unconscious body, she debated simply leaving now but ultimately decided that the least she could do to thank him was stay slightly longer than necessary. Regardless, it would be expected of her to stay by Lukaz’s bedside for a long time, so there was no reason for her to leave now.
Malina was likely still alone with the headmaster.
Had she recovered from what Father said to her?
What did Father even mean by what he said to her?
The Doll brought her hands to her head in frustration at the fact she was thinking of Malina right now when she should be worrying for the well-being of Lukaz. Lukaz was her fiancée, a fiancée she was supposed to be happy to be engaged to. A fiancée who had just risked everything to defend her honor.
But despite this fact, despite what she should think The Doll found herself thinking of Malina’s well-being instead. The mere mention of Malina in her mind caused The Doll to remember last night when Malina had kissed The Doll.
The mere thought of this moment caused that strange feeling to creep up within The Doll again.
Why hadn't The Doll resisted that kiss? She knew it was improper; something she shouldn't do, something that was an unbecoming act. The Doll was engaged to a man who currently lay unconscious in bed after sacrificing himself for her. The act was improper in multiple ways, yet The Doll hadn't resisted. Rather than embrace the kiss, she wanted to keep doing it.
This feeling that she felt for Malina—why couldn't she feel the same thing for Lukaz?
Lukaz made it clear that he would do anything for The Doll he had always wanted to protect her even if his actions were slightly forceful at times. By all means, Malina was actually even more forceful with The Doll often forcing her to follow whatever whims she may have at the moment.
Malina was childish, and Lukaz was proper.
Malina had hurt The Doll and Lukaz never had.
Malina was a girl, and Lukaz was a guy.
There was no reason The Doll should prefer the company of Malina to that of Lukaz. Yet in this moment she still found herself preferring Malina to him. The Doll barely even knew Malina; the two had only met each other a week ago. The Doll only even agreed to be her friend because Malina was above her in standing.
Perhaps it was the simple fact that Malina had kissed The Doll first. The Doll may have simply liked the feeling of kissing and just wanted to recreate it. If she kissed Lukaz, would she feel whatever it was she felt for Malina for him instead?
Despite thinking this, as The Doll looked at Lukaz's unconscious body and thought of how it would feel to kiss him, she had to suppress bile that began to rise up within her throat. The thought of kissing Lukaz and being intimate with him had always caused a feeling of disgust to creep up within The Doll but she always attributed it to the act not making any logical sense.
But that couldn't be the case if she found herself enjoying it when Malina had done these dame repulsive acts to her. The only logical explanation The Doll could think of was that something was wrong with her; it had to be the influence of The Strings or the new setting of the academy.
Yet deep down The Doll knew neither of these excuses made any actual sense.
With a deep sigh The Doll fell back into a chair by Lukaz's bedside, looking up at the white ceiling. The Doll closed her eyes, replacing this with the comforting darkness that she would always escape to.
Repress.
Ignore.
Move.
All The Doll needed to do was what she always did: she simply needed to repress and ignore these strange feelings so she could move forward. Yet this simple act that should be second nature to her was one she found to be near impossible.
Truly, what was wrong with The Doll?