Riley understood that she was lucky to still be alive. She also understood that she might not be for much longer. The car would provide them with shelter and security. But they had no food and were in the middle of nowhere. They also had no cash to buy food. The nice part about that was that both Riley and Sally were used to going without food for long periods of time. Riley had trained herself not to feel hunger. It was only in the past three months that Riley had remembered what hunger felt like. She could afford to feel hunger when there was food.
Hopefully it wouldn’t take too much time for Riley to untrain her body to feel hunger. It might take a little bit of practice. But she could do it. Riley opened her eyes. She felt hunger in her stomach and heard Jorden and Lisa talking outside. Sally lay next to her. Outside the world was filled with sunlight. The cheerful day didn’t match the dull, hollow feeling in Riley’s heart. Riley put her ear to the window and listened closely. They were talking about the exact same thing that she had just been thinking about.
“We can’t just sit here and starve. We’ll have to go somewhere and find food. Maybe a small village where our faces might not be recognized,” Jorden was saying. Lisa let out a sigh.
“Like the one you lived in. The lady still found them somehow,” she whispered. Lisa’s voice sounded weary and heavy. Almost as if all the joy had been sucked out of her. That heavy dull voice was something Lisa had carried with her ever since returning home. Poor Lisa. Riley owed her an apology. For what, she did not know. She just felt like she owed Lisa for all the times she had doubted and not trusted her. Sally let out a grunt in her sleep and rolled over. Riley winced.
She also owed Sally an apology. What she had done yesterday was awful. It wasn’t Sally’s fault they were half Forma, so why was she lashing out at Sally? Sally must have been so confused and hurt. Maybe she had forgotten all about it. Either way, Riley owed her. A sigh escaped Riley. She owed so many people so many things.
Riley glanced down at her hands. Well, she was half Forma. She was half of what she had always hated. There had been a couple of times when Riley had wondered what it was like being a Forma. What was it like to feel such hatred and anger all the time? How did it feel to be so cruel and evil? Apparently, it didn’t feel like anything. Lisa wasn’t cruel. Jorden wasn’t cruel. At least he didn’t seem cruel to Riley. She had thought that humans couldn’t be as cruel as Formas. But Lisa had described such awful things to her. They hadn’t even told her why they wanted to hurt her.
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A shiver ran through Riley. Riley had been through a lot. But she had never experienced active torture. She had never been stabbed or had her bones broken. Sally had experienced pure cruelty at the hands of Forma. Now Lisa had experienced it at the hands of humans. There was just cruelty. Everywhere. Maybe it was time for Riley to accept that.
Another little grunt rose up from Sally. The child opened her eyes and sat up slowly. Riley smiled at her. She didn’t need words to say that she was sorry. Her expression was enough of an apology. Sally smiled back at her and gave her sister a little hug. Riley opened the car door and climbed out into the morning air. She felt all stiff and sore now. Riley had just been getting used to sleeping in a bed. The car seat was a completely different experience.
Sally sprinted over to Lisa the moment she caught sight of her. Lisa scooped her up into a tight hug. Riley smiled. Some things never changed. She rushed over to get her morning hug too. It was hard to be truly sad when she was surrounded by the people who never failed to make her happy.
“Good morning!” Lisa laughed. “Did you girls sleep okay?”
“I slept fine. I think that Sally slept pretty soundly too. You and Jorden look very tired.” Riley paused. “But then again, Jorden always looks tired.” Jorden laughed.
“Well, I slept fine. I woke up just a little while ago,” said Lisa.
“That’s good!”
“I’m going to go look in the car and see if I can find a map anywhere,” said Jorden. Lisa nodded.
“Lisa, I’m sorry,” Riley said softly.
“You keep apologizing to me. I’ve already told you; I don’t blame you for anything, dear,” Lisa said gently.
“I-I know I haven’t done anything wrong. But I’m sorry about what the humans did to you.”
“You still didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not your job to apologize on behalf of your species,” Lisa said.
“Well, you do that all the time,” Riley said.
“Hm… I guess I do.” A strange look crossed over Lisa’s face. “Well, I don’t blame you for anything, dear,” said Lisa. Riley smiled up at her. She didn’t blame Lisa for anything either. Lisa was the kindest person in the whole world, Riley decided.
“Hey! I found one!” Jorden called out from the car.
“You did? Great! Are we close to any towns or cities?” Lisa asked.
“We are. I’m sure we’ll be able to find somewhere to eat. Now paying for the food is a whole other problem to solve. But let’s take things one step at a time,” Jorden said.
“Alright!” The group climbed back into the car, and they drove off. Sally snuggled up close to Riley. Good, there were no hard feelings on Sally’s part. She took hold of her sister’s hand. Outside the world was flying by. Riley had no clue where they were going or what was going to happen. But that didn’t matter. Riley didn’t care. She just wanted to exist with these people.