/ Not me / 78 The Underside of Order

78 The Underside of Order

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She rose from the floor, looked at her captor—at what was left of him—and said nothing.

First, she climbed onto the table. Put a chair on top of it. Reached up toward the beam and felt for something hidden there. She pulled out something solid, heavy in her palm, and placed it on the sofa.

Then she dragged the table closer to Viktor. The wood scraped against the concrete. She climbed up again, reached into another place, and took down a second one just like it. Without looking back, she tossed it onto the sofa beside the first.

She pushed the table back.

In the corner, a tiny point was glowing—a dim LED. Anya went over to it, pulled out whatever was shining, paused for a second, then took both little things from the sofa, tucked them under one arm, and flicked the switch with her other hand.

Ordinary overhead light flooded the basement. No shadows. No mysticism.

She turned and went upstairs.

The house became a house again: straight walls, dead corners, the familiar smell of cleaning products. No “drip.” No coincidences. The silence was domestic and ordinary.

Viktor’s study greeted her with the cold hum of equipment. Monitors, PC towers, separate power supplies, neatly labeled folders on the desk. He built order even into wires: everything laid out, everything fastened down, everything in its place.

His phone lay on the edge of the desk. The screen was dark, but Anya knew: it was here, like a key. She picked it up and pressed the button. The input field flashed on. Password.

Almost automatically, she entered his daughter’s date of birth.

Wrong.

Anya kept her finger there for another second, then put the phone back. Let it lie there. Later.

She clicked the mouse on his computer—the screen came alive. Then the second, the third. Cameras. Yard. Corridors. Basement. Kitchen.

Her fingers were calm. She was not.

She began digging through the archives and found the video recordings. She quickly understood the system: recording ran continuously, but was not stored for long. After twenty-four hours, only motion-triggered fragments remained. Viktor’s familiar rationality: saving space, controlling what mattered, throwing the rest away.

She wanted to open tonight’s footage, scroll through it, see herself from the outside—to make sure everything had happened exactly as she remembered it. It was almost a physical desire: to put a full stop there, to fix it in place, to get rid of the tremor.

But at that moment, another thought rose inside her:

And what if there was someone else on the screen besides her and him?

She remembered the frames falling apart, that three-second gap, the sound “out of place.” The image formed in her mind instantly: she clicks “play”—and sees an empty corridor… and beside the door, a third thing is standing there. Or the opposite: she sees herself, and beside her, a shadow that had not been in the room. Or the most frightening possibility—she sees nothing, because the recording has “dropped out” again, and then it is no longer a technical error.

Anya pulled her finger away from the mouse as if from something hot.

No.

Better not. I’ll manage. I’m not going to reach into a place where it might answer again.

She forced herself to move on to dates and archives. Into the past, where at least something could be explained by human hands. First, yesterday. Then a week ago. Then months. One clip, another, a third. Stairs. Doors. Night. Day. Leaves. An empty yard. Too much that did not matter.

Then she came across the basement footage.

A motion-triggered fragment: the camera in the corner, that same dead perspective where everything seemed flat and safe. Viktor entered the frame. A backpack on his shoulders. He moved quickly and confidently. Stopped by the table, set the backpack on a stool, unzipped it, and took out a clean bag. Shook out its contents.

Bones fell onto the table.

Anya did not understand at first—her mind refused to call them “bones,” trying to come up with any other word: sticks, fragments, old parts. But Viktor worked with them in a way that left no doubt: carefully, precisely, as with something that could not be broken a second time.

He laid them out on the table and put on a headlamp. Took out some kind of tube. Then another. He was not trembling and he did not hesitate. His hands moved with horrifying precision. The bones came together one after another—like a puzzle he had long known by heart. He matched them, pressed them together, held them, let go. A drop from the tube shone on the white—too white—and disappeared under his finger.

Something inside Anya gave way.

Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

She started the video from the entrance camera.

The outdoor frame: Viktor walking into the house, the backpack on his back.

He had already been carrying it inside—which meant the bones had not been “found” somewhere here. They had been brought.

Anya switched to other dates, now deliberately studying that period.

Basement, corridor, basement again, corridor, basement again.

She found the next fragment.

Viktor was standing by the part of the wall she had hit with the dumbbell. In the frame: tools, metal tracks, sheets. He set the tracks in place, fastened them quickly and familiarly. Then one sheet, a second. Seams. Foam. He ran his palm over the surface, checking that it was even, and stepped back to assess it.

A false wall. A thin deception.

Anya watched and could not look away. A question rose in her mind:

Why did you do it, Viktor?

The answer began assembling itself—piece by piece, suddenly falling into place.

He had been the one to suggest that she clear out that exact part of the basement. He had been the one to say there was a “thick wall” there. And how quickly he appeared when she broke through the hole… too quickly. As if he had been waiting to catch the right moment. And how he immediately suggested looking inside, though she had not even tried to do it.

He had wanted her to see it. To see it at the right moment and in the right state—when the basement had already broken something in her. It was not a secret. It was a trap. A specially prepared scene, a blow to her will, to her resistance, to her hope.

Anya suddenly felt a strange relief. She drew in a deep breath and, for the first time since entering the study, was able to move the mouse without feeling as if her fingers were about to fall off. Now she could dig further into the past.

Anya selected recordings and fast-forwarded through them one after another. Nothing special.

At last—the archive from “two years ago.” Garden. Night. Motion trigger.

Anya clicked “play”—and Viktor appeared on the screen.

He was walking slowly, in a work jacket, carrying a large bundle carefully in both hands—as if it were something that must not be dropped. He reached a spot in the garden, sank to his knees, laid the bundle down, sat there for a while, then stood and began to dig.

Soon, he stopped. Took a step back—and began walking in circles through the garden, as if he could not remain near the hole for more than a few seconds. One circle, then another, then a third. Hands in his hair, shoulders raised, head lowered. Like a man trying not to think, because otherwise he would collapse.

He came back. Started digging again—more sharply now, unevenly. Several times, the hand holding the shovel hung suspended in the air, and he froze as if waiting for someone to call out. No one called.

Again he rose, went off into the darkness of the garden, as if he had to step away from the hole so he would not collapse beside it, and half a minute later he returned again—drawn back until it was “done.”

When everything was ready, he lowered the bundle into it. Then straightened and stood for a long time without moving. His arms hung at his sides like those of a broken doll. For a second, he lifted a hand toward his face, but never covered it—as if he no longer had the strength even for that.

After that, he began filling the hole with earth. Again and again. At the end, he tamped it down with his palms and smoothed it out.

And then he brought the very bench Anya often sat on and placed it in the same spot, the way one sets down a lid. Then he crouched for a second, checking whether everything “looked right.” Stood and left, leaving the garden as neat as it was supposed to be.

Anya watched without blinking. A dry lump lodged in her throat and would not go down. Her lip twitched. The cold that usually held her face disappeared, as if it had simply been switched off. A raw, naked bewilderment appeared in her eyes.

She tried to breathe in—and the air would not come. Her fingers whitened on the edge of the desk. She had to grip it harder, because for a second it seemed she would simply slide down onto the floor right there, in front of the screens, and would not be able to get up.

She looked once more at the bench in the frame. At the way he placed it there…

Anya slowly pushed herself back from the desk. For several seconds, she simply sat there, listening to the equipment hum, unable to believe that this sound could exist at all beside what she had just seen.

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand—pointlessly, because the tears came again anyway—and only after that, deliberately, went out into the garden.

She had decided for herself: I need to go there. I need to say something, anything. I need to ask forgiveness, or I will suffocate right here in this house.

In the garden, she turned on the outdoor lights. White light fell over the grass, the path, the bench. Anya approached without hurry. Her hands were trembling now, but not from the cold.

She took hold of the bench and tipped it over. It struck the ground heavily.

Anya sank to her knees before the unremarkable place. Grass, earth—nothing special. Only now, that “nothing” was the most terrifying thing in this house.

She wanted to speak calmly. Tried to hold herself together. But the armor she had grown cracked—and through it poured everything she had kept inside for so long.

“Forgive me…” she breathed.

Her fingers dug into the grass. She clenched it in her fist as if she could pull some explanation, some justification, out of the ground.

“Forgive me… I didn’t know. I couldn’t have known.”

The tears came on their own. Harsh, hot, tearing her breath apart. She bent lower and whispered into the grass, into the cold soil:

“Forgive me… Forgive me for talking to you… Forgive me for sitting here…”

She covered her face with her hands, but the tears still found a way through. She sobbed as if she had lost not an unfamiliar little girl but herself. The Anya who had once known how to laugh without calculation. Who had not thought about what was “right.” Who had not known what emptiness sounded like.

The pain surged so sharply that she clutched at the center of her chest, gasping, and for several seconds simply tried to breathe. The light around her was even and calm—and because of that, her despair seemed even more exposed.

She wiped her face with her sleeve, but the tears did not stop at once.

“I’ll make sure they find you,” she said, a little more firmly now. “You won’t be left here… like a thing. You’ll have a grave. Like I promised…”

She fell silent.

“Forgive me for not being able to give your dreams back. Forgive me for being… too late.”

Her voice broke, and she lowered her head to the ground again.

After a minute, she forced herself to rise.

Anya looked around. Beneath a tree lay a thin branch, fresh, broken off by the wind or by the weight of old branches.

She took it and, kneeling again, pressed the end into the earth beside that place. A simple, stubborn, childish marker: here.

The branch resisted the soil, then went in with a crunch of grass. She adjusted it so it stood straighter, then froze for a second, looking at that pitiful “sign,” which was still more honest than the bench.

Her face no longer held its old coldness—the tears had dried in sticky tracks, but her gaze was gradually returning to its smooth, learned emptiness.

She turned off the outdoor lights. The garden sank into darkness, and only the branch—invisible now—remained for her as a point she would remember without light.

Anya went back into the house.