Chapter 67 - Disappointment.
The inner gardens of the Temple of the Sun opened out from the window where Aurelius stood, and behind him Varian looked at the Supreme Archon's back.
"Remarkable, isn't it?" Aurelius began.
Butterflies moved among the colored blossoms while the gardeners tended the plants with care.
"In one place... there is a garden that lives by its own rhythm... butterflies fly, plants bloom, and the attendants take pleasure in its beauty... surrounded by calm, harmony and peace... and in another place... violence, pain, fury and malice," he went on.
Varian gave no answer and stood with his hands behind his back.
"While we live here, things may be happening somewhere else in Prime that we could not even imagine for ourselves."
"That is how our world is made," said Varian.
"True. Prime has whims of its own. It changes the fates of people, of nations and of everything that exists however it pleases. And it isn't even a matter of gods. Every people has its own gods, and even they cannot alter the willful course of creation," Aurelius answered, turned to Varian and took up the pot of hot, well-steeped tea that stood on the table.
"It seems to me your words go against our faith," said Varian.
"My words are only a reflection of thoughts based on observations of my own. My faith in the Sun God is as strong as ever, though my understanding of what he can do is beginning to settle a little differently for me."
Pouring the tea into two cups that stood on their saucers, he took up each of them, came over to Varian and held one of the cups out to him.
Varian did not move at once, looking first at the cup, then into Aurelius's eyes, and only then taking the tea.
"And still, what a unique and interesting creature a man is. We try to change and to control what is beyond even the gods themselves... the world... its laws and its fate," Aurelius went on, and took a single sip.
"And that is in spite of the fact that we are often incapable of controlling even what actually does lie within our power. Our emotions, our conduct, our attitudes and our decisions."
Varian looked at the dark turquoise tea, holding the saucer in one hand and the cup in the other, then took a sip and set the cup back on the saucer.
"It seems... you have already worked out that I knew what was going on," said Varian, without lifting his eyes off the tea.
Aurelius stood in front of him without answering, his eyes on Varian's face.
"I only learned of it recently, from Voren. I spoke with Gray and thought my words would reach him, but... I made a mistake. You could say... the blame for what happened lies with me," Varian went on.
The silence stretched out for several moments before Aurelius answered.
"And there you are, taking on the blame for something you had no control over and never will."
Varian raised his eyes to him.
"I should have given him a warning. Forbidden that kind of behavior and seen to it that he followed my instruction."
"A parent's duty is first of all to guide his children, not to restrict, forbid or punish them. Close that road to him and you would only have made him store up all that malice until it broke loose and led to consequences more terrible still."
Varian gave no answer and lowered his eyes, while Aurelius took another sip, turned and left his cup on the table.
"So many years have gone by... and I can no longer remember when he began to change like this. He reminds me of myself, back when I still wanted to be rid of you," said Varian.
Aurelius did not turn, and the pause drew out noticeably.
"And what made you change?"
"You know that yourself," Varian answered.
The corners of Aurelius's mouth moved, and then he lifted his face higher, looking through the window at the bright, faintly clouded sky.
"Do you remember the words she said to you back then?... perhaps it is in them that you will find the answer that helps you with your son."
Varian sank into thought, looking at the liquid in his cup, until everything in front of his eyes gave way to a memory out of the distant past.
Bright glare off the sun covered most of the view, and in the middle of all that light he saw a young woman's smile, her eyes covered over by the glare.
Her words came back as an echo, and in it he clearly remembered the depth and the tenderness of her voice.
"Some beautiful paths are only found... by getting lost."
Varian's eyes stayed lowered, but his lips twitched a little into a smile.
Artus and Olen sat on a bench in one of the open city squares, in the middle of which stood Aren and Eveline.
"So what, are we supposed to follow them everywhere now?" Olen asked.
"It's better this way. You don't want to train anyway," Artus answered.
"I didn't say I don't want to. It's just that training with you has got damned boring. We've been stuck as sparring partners since the university."
"We train not for amusement but to keep our bodies and our skills in shape."
"Oh, give it a rest. There you go switching that bore of yours back on."
"I'm saying it as it is."
"Aym sayeen it as it eez."
Artus said nothing, his elbows down on his knees and his eyes set on Aren and Eveline.
"What, you're not even going to answer?" Olen asked.
Artus said nothing for several moments and answered in an even tone.
"I'm not in the mood for clowning right now, Olen."
Olen let out a breath, leaned his back against the bench and put both hands on the back of his head.
"Still thinking about what happened?"
"Stupid question."
"Would you stop being so unpleasant already!"
Artus kept quiet, while Olen went on looking at his profile, and let out a sigh himself.
"Yeah... it's all strange to me too. To tell the truth, I didn't think we'd get that kind of behavior at our university among the students, let alone among the magisters," said Olen.
"We've never had Conductors as weak as she is. That's why nobody had a reason before. She's a rare exception, and it's thanks to her mind," Artus answered.
"That reminds me, she did pass the entrance exam with the top grade... even I never scored higher than 87..." said Olen.
"You say that as though you were one of the cleverest students," Artus answered.
"Hey, don't forget, I'm one of the top graduates, same as you."
"Top in being a cunningass, maybe."
"I'll take that as a compliment. Cunning is founded on intellect," Olen answered.
A silence settled between them, and Artus broke it a few moments later.
"What do you think, would you have done the same?"
"Hm... hard to say... I might have knocked Gray around, but a Magister... Tch, doubt it."
"Gray is of House Lumière, in case you've forgotten," Artus added.
"So what? Their line doesn't carry the weight it used to. Aurelius is living proof of that."
"That still doesn't mean they've lost their influence in the Republic."
"Well... fair enough..."
The silence came back, and this time it was Olen who broke it.
"And you?... Would you have done the same?"
"...I think so."
"What, you'd raise a hand against a Magister as well?"
"Yes."
Olen rubbed the back of his head, still looking at Artus's profile and seeing in it a firm and serious gaze that did not leave Aren and Eveline where they stood in the distance.
"To tell the truth, I don't quite follow you. You were just asking me those pointed questions, telling me the Lumières haven't lost their influence in the Republic... and a minute later you're announcing you'd raise a hand against Gray and against a Magister both."
"I only wanted to see how far you'd thought your words through before answering."
"Why do you keep making me out to be some kind of idiot?!"
"If you weren't an idiot you wouldn't be trying to mimic me."
Olen clenched his jaw, then let out a breath and let his shoulders drop.
"...you didn't ask that question for nothing."
Artus did not answer, while Olen leaned forward into the same posture as his, both elbows on his knees and his eyes on Aren.
"He's not such a bad lad," said Olen.
"...yeah..." Artus answered.
"To tell the truth... it seems to me now that Lucia came down on him too hard... he's polite enough and calm... came here for knowledge... and ended up expelled... feels a shame... and Eveline as well... a diligent student who got no luck," said Olen.
"I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with you," Artus answered.
Olen smiled, glancing at Artus for a moment before turning his eyes forward again.
"Don't you get the feeling too, like you'd want to help them somehow?" Olen asked.
"If you're trying to make me say words of agreement again, you're not getting them," Artus answered.
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
"Oh come oooon, I know it's true!" said Olen, and jabbed his elbow into Artus's shoulder.
"Leave off," Artus answered.
Meanwhile Aren stood facing Eveline, watching her read the notes in her diary while Rexy circled in the air around them.
"So... what are we going to do?" Aren asked.
"Prepare for the competition. Or rather... I'm going to prepare, and you're going to help me with it," Eveline answered, and pointed her pencil at Aren.
"And what competition is this?"
"It's an annual Midar event, with students from the main Midar University taking part. It gives students the chance to show themselves in front of thousands of the capital's residents, and in front of the whole council of Archons as well."
"Sounds serious," said Aren.
"It certainly is. The ones who make the podium get medals and points, which then count toward graduation from the university. All in all it's the most important event there is among the students, and we start preparing for it months in advance... and usually the students hold joint training sessions..."
Eveline's eyes went down, and Aren caught it.
"Eveline?"
"...you know... I was just thinking... and actually, really... all of this is pointless," she said.
"Why?"
"Because it's obvious. I'm hardly going to make it to the finish at all, never mind onto the podium. The competition takes in several forms of trial. Last time I was out without even getting through the first one."
Aren's brows came down a little as he thought of the staff duels again.
"I come here... I train alone... while the other students do it together... sharpening their skills and discussing tactics, ideas... Even Ilau has found himself a group he spends his time with now and trains alongside. And I... make do with what there is," she said, and looked the square over.
"But you have me," Aren answered.
Eveline smiled with a quiet breath, then looked away.
"Yes, and I value that very much. But the problem is that simply having a partner to train with isn't enough. It matters that he already has at least some minimal experience of competing, like me, and that he has a companion."
Aren rubbed the back of his head, sinking into thought, while Rexy came down onto Eveline's shoulder and she stroked him.
Artus and Olen watched from a distance, sat still and took in the expressions on their faces.
"They both look downcast" said Olen.
"Yeah," Artus answered.
"What are they even planning to do out here?" Olen asked.
"Most likely preparing for the competition. I have no other explanation. It was supposed to be in two months, but because of the incident with Aren they pushed it back another month, until all the students have recovered."
"Hm... the competition..." Olen answered, and let the silence run.
"She's hardly going to manage it," he added.
Artus gave no answer and went on looking ahead, then got up from the bench and set off toward them. Olen followed him with his eyes, then got up after him.
"Has something happened with you two?" Artus asked, coming up to Aren.
"No, everything's fine... we're just thinking," Aren answered, turning around.
"About what?"
"About how to run a joint training session to prepare for the competition... but the more I look at it now, the more I see how badly I rushed into the idea," Eveline answered.
Artus said nothing, looking at her lowered and hopeless gaze.
Olen looked the square over with his hands on his belt, and turned his eyes back to Eveline.
"This place isn't remotely suitable for preparing for the competition. There isn't so much as an obstacle line here where the two of you could work maneuvers."
"Well... I can't use the other training grounds, since Rexy doesn't meet the criteria for letting me in. I have to be the rider of my own companion to use those grounds," Eveline answered.
"And how are you planning to compete in that case?" Artus asked.
Eveline took a device out of her bag and unfolded her surfboard.
"...seriously?" said Olen, and Eveline nodded hopelessly.
"I work on maneuvering at speed with ordinary flights through the city streets, with sharp turns and through narrow alleys... but I understand what you're getting at... in a real competition, where everyone is trying to knock you down and take your crystals and has a massive companion... that's hardly going to help," said Eveline, folding the surfboard and putting the device back in her bag.
"Sorry, we came here for nothing. We've only wasted time on a stupid idea of mine," she said, turning away, while Aren followed her.
Artus and Olen glanced at each other with the same seriousness in their eyes, and nodded at the same moment.
"Wait," said Artus.
Aren and Eveline turned around and looked at the cadets.
The keeper of the training ground was inspecting and repairing a broken mechanism, sitting in a small booth by the gates.
Eveline, Aren and the cadets came up to his little window, at which he raised his eyes.
"Good day, I'd like to use the training ground for the competition," said Eveline.
The keeper looked Rexy over on her shoulder, adjusted his glasses, and went back to repairing the part.
"You have no companion you could be a rider on. And as for this young man, I see no companion at all. So forgive me, but no," he said.
"We have, though," said Artus, after touching a green crystal on his belt.
Aren and Eveline stepped apart to give the keeper a view, and he saw the massive companions of Artus and Olen come down behind them on powerful gusts of wind.
The keeper held out a hand to Eveline without a word, not taking his entirely blank gaze off the cadets. Eveline put silver coins into his hand, and the gates in front of them began to swing open.
They went into the training ground, which opened out into an enormous space running past the bounds of the walls around Midar.
"Holy hell..." said Eveline, taking in all that space with her mouth open and seeing in front of her dozens of different kinds of obstacle, mock-ups of structures, mechanisms that fired to knock riders down, crystals to collect for points, and multi-level courses.
"So that's... what they're like..." said Aren, with no less astonishment on his face.
"Yep. Dozens of these ring the walls of Midar, and during the competition they connect them, change their structure and swap a lot of the mechanisms for more serious ones. Every year something new gets added. And that's how you get the main outer course, which links up with the smaller ones," said Olen.
"It's all that serious..." said Aren.
Olen laughed a little and laid a hand on Aren's shoulder.
"As serious as it gets. At this competition the students squeeze everything they have out of themselves, and most of them often end up in the infirmary afterward," he said.
"That sounds fairly cruel for students," said Eveline, turning to him.
"It's a kind of annual step into adulthood. It builds up the discipline and the spirit of our students a great deal, and it's damned good to watch besides. So I don't see anything wrong with it," Olen answered.
Eveline smiled and looked the training course over again.
"Thank you... so much... it'll take me time to get used to it here, so I hope I won't wear you out while you're waiting for me," she said.
"And who said we'd just be sitting and waiting?" Olen asked.
Aren and Eveline turned around in surprise, seeing Artus take off his tunic and roll up the sleeves of his shirt while Olen began working his neck and back loose.
"Hold on, are you..." Aren began.
"Yes," said Artus, who straightened up and looked at Eveline.
"We'll help you prepare for the competition," he added.
"All of us," said Olen, setting his elbow on Artus's shoulder, and Artus gave him a sideways look in return.
Eveline stood without moving and looked at the cadets, and at their fliers standing behind them.
At that same time Gray was walking along a corridor of his own mansion, hung with painted canvases and lined with statues bearing names.
"You told me there was no risk in this at all! You promised me standing and a future of my own, and what has come of it?!" came a voice from a door left ajar.
Gray slowed his step, then came up to the door and leaned against its edge, looking through the gap.
"They've thrown me out of the university... stripped me of the rank of Magister... and now the other professors know about it! Niavey himself said that if it were up to him he'd have made me an Erz!" said Voren, standing in front of Aurora, Gray's mother.
"Firstly, watch your tone. Secondly, I did not say there was no risk at all. I said only that it was minimal, and that should problems arise, we would find a solution. Do you remember that?" she answered, straight-backed and motionless, standing over Voren, who was half a head shorter than her. Her hands lay one on the other at her stomach, and her gaze was cold and entirely calm.
"But... what can you do now?... The Archon and the dean have already made their decision... I have nowhere to go!"
"Yes. The current Archon has made a decision. As has the current dean. But that does not mean nothing will change. All you need do is show patience and wait for the day the great House of Lumière takes everything into its own hands and puts our Republic in order. And in the meantime you, our loyal Magister, will be generously rewarded," she answered, and held her hand out to him, palm down.
Voren pressed his lips together and lowered his eyes, and went down on one knee, took her hand and kissed it.
The door swung slowly open and Voren straightened at once, while Aurora turned her head and saw Gray in the doorway.
Gray stood without taking his eyes off his mother's.
"You are dismissed," said Aurora, without turning to Voren, who moved his eyes from one of them to the other and then started for the door after a short bow.
Gray stood motionless, so that Voren stopped at first, expecting Gray to step aside and let him past, and then had to squeeze carefully sideways between the door frame and Gray's shoulder.
Once they were alone, Gray went on looking her in the eye.
"So this is—" Gray began.
"I think your father is waiting for you," Aurora cut in.
Gray did not go on, holding her cold eyes a few moments longer, then bowed and went back into the corridor, and on toward his father.
Gray knocked twice and waited for his father's voice.
"Come in."
Gray came in and closed the door behind him without turning away from it. Varian was sitting at his desk, writing up documents, and pointed a hand at the chair.
"Sit down."
Holding back for a moment, Gray walked forward and sat on the other side of the desk, opposite his father.
Varian went on writing while the silence held in the study, and Gray did not break it.
Varian raised his eyes for a moment, then lowered them back to the paper.
"Do you have anything to say?" he asked.
"...what do you want to hear from me?"
Setting the pen aside and putting the paper into the stack lying next to him, Varian leaned back against his chair and looked at his son, then breathed out through his nose without answering.
"...you know it all perfectly well yourself. I'm not going to make excuses," said Gray.
"Do I look like a man who needs your excuses?"
Gray turned his head away and set his teeth, while Varian looked at him without blinking.
"What disappoints me is that you took nothing from our last conversation."
"Everything about me probably disappoints you. It always has," Gray answered.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because I have always been a disappointment to everyone. From the moment I was born. 'Another Lumière born without the fourth level'... 'Living proof that the legacy is over'..."
Varian gave no answer, while Gray glanced for a second at his father's reaction and saw not a drop of feeling on his face.
"You see... I told you."
"What YOU see is your point of view, and it may be mistaken."
"Oh? And where's the proof?"
"In front of you."
Gray turned his head toward him, looked over the desk, then raised his eyes to his father.
"You mean to say you weren't always disappointed in me?"
"I wasn't."
"Sure. From my earliest years all you've done is your duty as Archon of Infrastructure. Not once did you train me or teach me the way our ancestors taught their successors. The way my grandfather taught you."
"They were teaching future Archons of Light."
"And you never became one. THOUGH YOU SHOULD HAVE."
"That was not mine to decide. And it is certainly not yours."
Gray came up off his chair, standing over the desk and over Varian seated at it.
"What is wrong with you?! Why do you keep acting as though you've given up for good and you're simply ready to let it all take its course?! Do you not care about the legacy of our line?!"
"Sit down," Varian ordered.
"I won't sit down until you answer," said Gray, closing his fists.
Varian looked up at Gray from below, then began slowly rising out of his chair. Now he stood over Gray.
"No. I do care about our line. Even so, its future is perfectly clear to me. The fact that we are no longer tied to the line of the Archons of Light does not end our legacy. We can go on lighting our name by working for the good of the Republic. We do not have to be Archons of Light. What matters is that we keep, protect and improve the lives of our citizens. That is the true will of the First Archon."
"So allowing a dangerous outsider who harmed dozens of students to live in our Republic... to study among us... that counts as 'protection' to you?..."
"What happened to the other students is first of all the consequence of your own actions."
"So now you're blaming all of it on me?"
Varian said nothing, looked at the indignant, strained face of Gray, and let out a breath, lowering his eyes.
"No. It is my fault. I did not keep watch over you, and it led to consequences," he said.
Gray held still and his eyes widened slightly, while Varian came around the desk and stopped directly in front of him.
"Once I was the same as you. I was angry. I wanted justice of my own. I wanted back what my own father had taken from me."
Gray listened without taking his eyes off his father, who in turn had turned and walked over to a painted canvas hanging on the wall, showing a young Varian and his father, Gray's grandfather.
"When my father decided to pass the office of Archon of Light to Aurelius, I did not agree with him, however hard he tried to explain the reason for that decision. And there were many of them... and as it turned out... Aurelius being of the fourth level was the last of them."
Varian stood in front of the canvas with his hands held behind his back.
"I was ready to kill Aurelius."
Gray's eyes widened further still and his lips parted a little.
"I worked at political intrigue. I gathered people and turned the public against him. I hunted for every smallest chance to make him stumble, and I wanted to make the consequences of his mistakes count for more... I hated him."
"...and what changed?" Gray asked in a calm tone now.
"...the arrival of a young woman... from the Trade League. She was an envoy of a kind, establishing and strengthening the ties between all ten great powers of Prime... her name was Maria... Maria Deicoin."
"...Why have I never heard of her?" Gray asked.
"It's a long story. A great deal has happened since, and some things were better kept from the people of Helios, and so the council of Archons decided to keep that name among themselves. But if you had studied her in a history lesson... then you would probably know her as the greatest woman of all time."
Gray lowered his eyes, thinking over his father's words.
"And what does that have to do with you no longer wanting justice?" Gray asked.
"It isn't that I stopped wanting justice. It's that Maria opened my eyes and showed me... that my justice was a false one... that everything I was doing... was a mistake."
Raising his eyes sharply to his father's back, Gray closed his fists again.
"What nonsense. Are you seriously telling me that some outsider woman convinced you of a 'false justice'?! Even an idiot can see she washed your brains out!... Those people... from the Trade League care about nothing but their own profit!"
Varian turned around and looked him in the eye, plainly cold.
"Don't you dare," he said.
Gray broke off, not understanding why his father had reacted that way to his words about Maria.
Varian lowered his eyes, and in them Gray saw something he could not put into words of his own.
"When I failed... and understood that I had no future left... I lost any sense in going on fighting. I was lost... without any meaning to keep living at all... but she... she opened a road for me. She showed me that my life and my fate... had never been laid down for me by anyone... she showed me... that I am entitled to shape my own fate and to live the way I want to..."
"...what are you telling me all this for?"
"...I did not want children. I did not want to hold out false hope to myself, to others, and least of all to a child of mine, for a future that did not exist. And only after Maria opened my eyes did I understand how I wanted to live. And when you came into the world, I took all of it in fully. For the first time... I was that happy."
"...what..." said Gray.
Varian raised his eyes and looked straight into his son's.
"Yes. The fact that you are standing in front of me. Breathing and living in this world. All of it is thanks to her."
Gray took a step back, not believing what he had heard.
"You... you never wanted me to become an Archon..."
Varian stood motionless, though his gaze had grown a little softer.
"And that is why I was never disappointed in you."
Gray's heart beat harder and his breathing broke up, while his hands closed into fists again.
"You mean to say... all this time... I put up with all those damned words... from all those aristocrats... those damned nicknames... and now you tell me this?..."
"My mistake is that I did not notice the first shoots of thinking like that in you earlier... I should have explained all of it to you long, long ago... and probably... given you more attention. But the duty of the Archon of Infrastructure—"
"ENOUGH," Gray cut in.
"...permission to withdraw," he added.
"Gray."
"I understand," Gray answered at once, lowering his eyes to the floor, though his fists stayed closed.
Varian breathed out quietly through his nose and lowered his own eyes.
"Okay. You may go."
Gray turned at once and went out of the door, closed it and stood still in the corridor without raising his eyes, held his breath for several moments, and then walked away.
Varian stood in the same place without moving for a time, then put a palm to his face.